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Voice Mail

October 14, 2007 | Category: Rants & Raves

God, I hate voice mail.

Prior to hating voice mail, I had a nice sideline going in hating answering machines. But you get older, times change, and you gotta update your habits.

Basically, if you call me...I'll see your number on the Caller ID and call back. Ignoring that thwudda-thwudda noise that says you said something to the computer.

This is, on occasion, I'll admit, problematic.

"Hey, it's Elizabeth. You called?"

"Thank God you called back so fast. So what's the number?"

"The number?"

"Of the emergency vet?"

"You need an emergency vet?"

"I LEFT A MESSAGE!! Diddums has swallowed a hypodermic needle full of crack and I need the number of the vet that helped you that time when it happened to you."

"I have never....! Why? Uh, I mean...."

"I LEFT A MESSAGE! Didn't you listen? This is life or death, here! I mean, poor Diddums, I think he's dragging himself to a corner to...oh, what is that number?!"

So, sure. Once in a blue moon, it causes trouble that I avoid my voice mail.

On the job, it was not unknown for me to listen to my voice mail barely once a week, on Fridays....

"You have 17,000 new voice mails! What is your frequency, woman? You think I got nothing better to do than stuff myself full of chat from your people?"

Instant messages, email, and text messages I am fine with. Prompt, attentive, responsive. But the bugaboo of voice mail has remained my nemesis.

Recently, we decided to turn off our home line. We never use it much, and it's costing us $50 a month to, in essence, give chimney sweeps and siding companies a way to contact us about their seasonal promotions.

So I've given myself permission, even though there is still some dial tone on it, to ignore the thing altogether in preparation for it being gone.

CD gave me the fish eye this morning, the phone against his ear, after I asked him if he thought I'd missed a call I was expecting.

"Please check," I begged.

"We have 33 new voice mail messages," he said with an arch of his eyebrow.

I shrugged.

"Have you EVER checked the house line for voice mail?" he pondered.


"Prove it."

I stuck out my tongue when he wasn't looking.

He pushed some buttons and listened a moment.

"Chimney sweep. Siding company. Chimney sweep. Credit card protection offer. Oh, Katie and some kid's mom are going somewhere and want to know if you want to go with," he relayed.

I looked interested.

"In SEPTEMBER," he added, all he-man snarky-like. "Computer talking, time sensitive offer. Hey, the counter tops are ready."

I looked in the kitchen where they are already installed. Turned back to the window, where I watched the drizzle that was delaying our annual pumpkin excursion .

He pushed more buttons. He listened some more. Counted them down for me. "20 more messages..." he sighed. "15, we're finally into October..." I scrunched my nose. "More computers, they love to leave messages...." I nodded. "5 more."

I waited.

He looked at me. "Sorry, hun," he said.

I shrugged.

"No big deal," I said.

But he knew better. He knew that this is why, deep down, I really hate voice mail. Because it never seems to be the locker of good news, of voices you really want to hear.

Ah, well.

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Tagged: voice_mail, humor, life, opinion, telephone, work Corporate, Mommy, Life
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This is such a funny post.

We have caller ID but I no longer look at it. It used to be nearly an addiction, checking it all the time. Now if someone doesn't leave me a message then I guess it was not important.

I also forget to check voice mail. Our phone doesn't have that blinking light indicator. So sometimes I go out to get the mail and a call comes in. Or I'm in the shower and I don't hear the phone. In my mind I was home all day and no one called. Whoops, I didn't know they called. Oh well.

I only am reminded of voice mails when I go to call someone and hear the three little beeps.

We have that privacy manager thing on our phone and are on some 'do not call' big lists so we almost never get a marketing call, just the nonprofits sometimes or magaznes we subscribe to who are exempt from those federal laws. I was actually thinking of how nice it is to not get the calls like the chimney sweeps or the vinyl siding people calling anymore.

I kind of have given the voice mail checking job to my husband. He is irked when I don't get the messages. So he checks for them now. LOL.

I am an email person but I know who of my friends and relatives are not consistant email checkers which then annoys me. Oh well.

Actually the worst affront is those I know who have totalphone and a regular answering machine, when they CHOOSE not to answer my call it makes the machine NOT pick up which tells me I am intentionally being ignored which is highly offensive mostly because it doesn't give me the ability to just leave my message to 'be done with' what I have to tell them. I like the voice mail customers better because at least I don't know when I'm intentionally being avoided or ignored.

My SIL made a comment that "All your brothers friends keep calling him on his cell instead of the house phone. I don't get it." Well DUH because they are all tired of YOU ignorning their calls when YOU are on the phone! (And they are not email people either.)

Posted by: ChristineMM on October 22, 2007 06:14 AM

I had to laugh when I read this. I absolutely despise talking on the phone, and I check my voice mail maybe once a month. And I delete them as soon as I figure out what the number is anyway! Thanks for making my laugh!

Posted by: Casey on October 19, 2007 11:40 AM

We only have a land line for our fax machine and have an answering machine on that line. I rarely pick it up (and rarely get messages) because it is never anyone I want to talk to. Is always some farm survey (yeah, we farm) or political something-or-other or wrong number. Oh, or my MIL, but she knows our cell numbers and really knows better than to call on the land line.

Posted by: sue on October 15, 2007 02:38 PM

I hate when people call me back without listening to my message -- because I hate the PHONE, so I just usually want someone to do whatever I asked on the message, and leave me alone. But I guess that's kind of cranky...

Posted by: StaciCarsten on October 15, 2007 10:10 AM

Calling right back after you just miss someone's call? I do that ALL the time. It's usually the Hubs that I miss. It's just funny when he starts talking like I ALREADY listened to his voicemail that he just hung up from less than 2 seconds prior. [he-he] But he should be thankful I even call back, right?

Posted by: Grace on October 14, 2007 12:38 PM

Boy, can I relate!! "3-3-7" is my best friend when it comes to VM.

Posted by: Shannon on October 14, 2007 12:19 PM