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Feet Smoothie, goes down easier

March 15, 2007 | Category: In My Life

When I was working at Mega, I had to socialize with a lot of other executive and glossy-shiny-corporate types. And it was never natural.

Everyone talking passionately about neutral things...

"I can NOT believe how badly Tiger played last week - did you see that round? It was like watching a preschooler on a putt-putt course. Especially the 16th hole. If you missed that one, all I can say is that you missed a lesson in when bad physics happens to good golfers , I tell you what."

And me, who would not WATCH GOLF ON TV even if you baked it in a cheese pie and told me it was calorie-free, would nod so enthusiastically that you would have to check my feet to be sure I wasn't a bobble-head doll.

Except, inside my head a strange crazy lady who looks exactly like me would be screaming "RUNNNNNNNNNN! THERE'S THE EXIT!!!! GO GO GO GO!!!!"

I had a kind of break from all that when I left Mega. For the last year, my professional and social calendar has been, well, yeah, empty. Things have dwindled to the point where there have been no more fund-raisers, no cocktails and crackers, no working dinners at Mortons, no conference ice-breakers, not even a block party.

Which has left me free to sort of rip up the cardboard-cut-out Elizabeth and let it all hang out.

I even giggled to myself one afternoon, thinking of a t-shirt I could make....

Hi, I'm Elizabeth...

I didn't vote for President Bush, I don't agree with many of his decisions and I don't really want to discuss it. I believe good citizenship means shouting with my vote, not tearing others down, so please don't EVEN mention Dick Cheney to me because that man makes it hard to be polite.

And while we're on the subject of non-subjects, yes, I'm Christian and I think it absolutely stupid to parse what flavor. What some do in that man's name curls my hair and hurts my head so let's take that subject off the table too.

I think people should parent according to their own conscience and abiding by the laws. As a working mom I treasured the dedication of stay at home ones and as a stay at home mom, I deeply respect the sacrifice of working moms. I think that people who paint those choices as polar ends of social schism are either misogynist warmongers out to divide and conquer or magazine publishers out to sell an issue.



But I figure by the time anyone was done reading it their eyes would end up in a place where only my husband's eyes should ever be so...

The point. Was there a point? Probably not.

It was just something that got into my mind because I spent part of yesterday and this morning with our neighbors - she homeschools and the weather's turned nice so her brood has been out playing. Bear, of course, could not be contained against the prospect of going outside to romp in mud with kids his age.

As I talked to her, it was like trying to remember how to ride a bike. Once we got past the weather, I was sort of nervous trying to think of neutral things we could chat about so it wouldn't be awkward standing together for so long.

It didn't go so good. At one point I vaguely remember babbling something about children who die in accidental drive-by's. It's all sort of a horrible slow-motion agony for me.

As Jane Austen wrote, it is something that comes (and, apparently GOES) with practice. Luckily for me, today when we met again, the neighbor lady had apparently decided I wasn't taking my prozac as prescribed and jumped in to fill the white space with kind chit-chat about homeschool websites and such.

God help us if the weather is nice again tomorrow.

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Tagged: Corporate, Mommy, Life
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ya know . . . the stuff to put on a shirt, that's all EXACTLY how I feel. weird. LOL. no wonder I like you so much! :)

Posted by: Jen_Jakesmom on March 22, 2007 10:03 AM

I just came across your site from another tonight. It's really good!! I've enjoyed reading several posts.

I used to be the "fake nice" person. Anymore I just don't have it in me to be that person. It's just too much hassle. So I usually just act quasi-fair about everything.

Posted by: FENICLE on March 20, 2007 06:42 PM

Ugh, I feel your pain. I cannot talk to other moms on a casual basis, and I don't know why because at work I talk to anyone and everyone about anything. Really. But put me alone in a room with another mom and if we aren't talking about poop or Spongebob, I get all out of sorts.

It's very bizarre, actually.


Posted by: Jenn on March 16, 2007 08:24 AM

Small talk, even the thought of it will make me sweat. Before parties I think of a few topics/current events that I can mention so my mind doesn't go completely blank, unfortunately, more often than not, I end up babbling like an idiot and then my mind goes blank...sigh

Love that t-shirt, can I get one, I'm Canadian but I can just use our Prime Minister's name instead of Bush, though I would still wear the Bush shirt, got it in black?

Golf, first my husband and now my daughter are slowly being sucked into the vortex. My son is 5 and hasn't been brainwashed, but I fear the forces are against me....help...

Posted by: Angela on March 16, 2007 06:50 AM

The weather went downhill here today - so maybe it's heading your way for tomorrow.

I used to be able to bullshit my way through just about anything but I've been off that bicycle for a long time. Now, whenever I am faced with making small talk I feel my way around and try to make it work. By the time the conversation is over I am always worried I said far more than I really should have.

TMI royalty and all.

Posted by: Michele on March 15, 2007 07:32 PM