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Nightmares

June 27, 2005 | Category: In My Life



There are tapes in my head that I can not shut off. They become nightmares and I surrender my sleep to them.

The victims of the terrorists in Beslan.

The children unprotected from idiot busdriviers.

The AIDS orphans.

The children, hurt anywhere, anytime.

The echo of me falls to her knees, nauseaus, engraged, impotent.

So we're at a little boy's 5th birthday party on Saturday afternoon. Bear is romping with about 25 other little kids in this little gymnasium. Us parents are on the other side of the pony wall, watching teenagers corral our kids with bubbles and games of "Simon Says".

One mother, one of the many, many soically-sconscious-used-to-be-a-supermodel types that we know from Bear's school (no, I'm only a LITTLE freaked out by them) turns on the little stool and says to us standing-up ones (me, personally, afraid to break the little stools or look ridiculous like an elephant in a tutu balancing on a pin) and she says....

"Did you all here about those boys..."

"Oh," I interrupted, glancing at the children. "Let's not..."

"The ones who were missing..."

"Please, no," I interrupt again. There is nowhere to go in this storefront zoo. There is a strip of floor, 20 foot by 5 foot, and she's smack dab in the middle.

"I was watching CNN and they had it almost immediately..."

I walked as far away as I could but her voice still resonated. The teenaged kid-wranglers blasted some music in waves. Some demented version of musical chairs.

"The trunk closed automatically...."

Is that Freebird? A muzak version of Freebird? Oh, that's just wrong.

"And they couldn't get out..."

Oh, those parents. Please, no....

"Just baked. Hours, maybe days..."

She has to shut up now, right?

"Can you imagine...?"

Yes. God. Please. No.

No.


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Comments


Seeing stuff like this is hard. Talking about it with kids present is just stupid.

Posted by: ~Easy on July 6, 2005 12:51 PM


It was just wrong.

I had an experience similar when I was about 12. My best friend and her brothers got in the back of a U-Haul set way back in her yard. The door latched and we couldn't get out. In the summer, in Florida. And no one could hear our screams.

That's what this made me think of first. How horrible...

Posted by: *AGK* on June 29, 2005 03:29 PM


It sounds strange to say, but I was actually relieved that they died together non-violently, instead of at the hands of some sadistic pervert. The predators really get to me.

And it's definitely not appropriate birthday party conversation.

Posted by: notdonnareed on June 28, 2005 05:35 PM


Of course, I'm blaming it on hormones, but when I heard the ending to this story, I wept. Big, and sobbing wept.

I'd probably have punched that woman in the nose.

And then blamed it on hormones.

Posted by: Margi on June 28, 2005 04:42 PM


No, it was tasteless.

But she does it all in such a glamorous way...

Posted by: Elizabeth on June 28, 2005 03:28 PM


At a birthday party?

That's pretty tasteless...

Or am I a snob?

Posted by: Eyes for Lies on June 28, 2005 03:21 PM


I understand your reaction; these stories hit me hard in the chest each time also, tears stream down my face. I HATE how the media treats these stories, turns it into a sideshow, refuses to respect the privacy of those affected. I walked away from the tv several times over the weekend and turned the radio off once - I just couldn't take it again.

Posted by: CursingMama on June 28, 2005 01:49 PM


Oh no. I haven't turned on the TV much since it all went to re-runs. My spouse told me about it last night. I thought he said it was only two days...and that they were found alive.

:"(

Posted by: ieatcrayonz on June 28, 2005 12:07 PM


I'm sorry to say so, but those kinds of stories just never really got to me until I had a baby. Sure, bad things happened, but they all seemed so far removed. Now, I just can't even bear to hear them. The news is too depressing....wars, famine, disease, terrorism, accidents....I see my children in all of them. I know how innocent, trusting, and vulnerable children are, and the pain their parents must feel is intolerable to think about. It was one of the things that surprised me most about parenthood.

Posted by: Andrea on June 28, 2005 10:15 AM


I understand, and I don't even have a child yet. I can't tolerate seeing these things on tv or hearing about them, it makes me ill. My mom has this habit of telling me terribly morbid stories, especially involving missing kids and it makes me scream.

Posted by: halloweenlover on June 28, 2005 09:59 AM


I didn't know how much more these stories would hit me after I had a child.

In early September 2001, the Washington Post ran a long series of stories about children who died while in the custody of the DC child welfare agency. I remember that on September 10, I was reading this story and being totally nauseous. And then the next day....

I really think that the need to care for Daniel -- and the fact that he didn't know that the world was screwed up but just wanted me to play with him -- is the only thing that kept me sane that fall.

Posted by: Elizabeth on June 28, 2005 08:48 AM


This is why I try to avoid the news. Like I really need more reasons to sit up at night wondering how I'm going to protect my kids from the world. Sigh.

Posted by: A.K. on June 28, 2005 08:23 AM