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Welcome to Wherever You Are

January 09, 2008 | Category: In My Life

I'm sort of surprised how sad I feel.

How cowardly I am.

I avoid the news, especially since Bhutto's assassination. I breath deep and tell myself the bills will keep. I watch the neighbors out the window, terrified to wave back.

I'm scared, and stretched thin over too much broken body. And unsure how to be, what to say, how to act.

I'm sorry, I ... that's all. Just sorry. I have nothing to write here, nothing to say. Right now, I wake up each day and I make a list of things I need to do. Then I put my head down and just try to get through them all. Set the pins up one by one and then knock them all down. Try to do it all with good humor even if I have no memory of what humor feels like. Because it scares them so much, even more than it does me.

And no one on this planet is interested in the aches and pains and whatnot. I'M not even interested in it. The planet has more to offer.

And someday soon, I want to look up again and see it.

But for right now, it is literally all I can do to quietly change the bed sheets, and tutor Bear in subtraction, and I haven't even brought down the tree yet....

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One foot in front of the other. Sometimes that's all you can do. Helen has a great post on getting through at the momment that made me think of you too.

Like my Gran always says though "this too shall pass" - and until it does just focus on the good in each day.


Posted by: flikka on January 16, 2008 07:01 PM

We're here... (((HUGS)))

Posted by: Angela Klocke on January 11, 2008 07:31 AM

Take is slow and easy. We're here whenever you're able to get back on. Miss you!

Posted by: Grace on January 10, 2008 10:41 PM

I really hope you feel better soon. Keep your head up. Things will get better.

Posted by: Cindy on January 10, 2008 07:05 PM

I really hope you feel better soon. I come everyday to see how you are. I've been wondering & hoping everything was ok. Keep your head up.

Posted by: Cindy on January 10, 2008 07:04 PM

Please don't feel that you have to do anything more in this space than just be. And if you have to be absent for a while? Then that's what you're doing.

Lots of good thoughts to you, in whatever dimension they're most usefully applied towards.

Posted by: alice on January 10, 2008 06:12 PM

Hey... still here, listening, if you need anything...

Posted by: Stacy on January 10, 2008 11:35 AM

Bhutto's assasination is sad beyond words... I hope that you begin to feel better about EVERYTHING! Life keeps throwing curveballs at me, too... But, it always seems to end up tolerable. Good Luck.

Posted by: Becky on January 9, 2008 04:44 PM