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Not The Momma

July 30, 2007 | Category:



The BlogHer conference was, essentially, 800 blogging women gathering. (Oh, and a handful of men.)

And despite the fact that most of us are mothers as well, each time a woman identified herself as a 'blogging mommy', she did so in a deprecating often somewhat apologetic voice.

This absolutely gobsmacks me.

My first website was for people who had taken one of my seminars and were looking for more resources.

Then, CD and I decided to marry. I found the Way Cool Weddings site and spent many, many mindless hours there.

Next thing you know, old Jed's a millionaire. And me? I had a personal website. Weddings, Weddings, all day every day. My dress! My flowers! The food!

But time marches on, and eventually? Yes. I became a 'Blogging Mommy'. Does this turn you off? Should I say I'm sorry?

What is the psychotic split in this country between people with children and people without? I PARENT. You were PARENTED. It is how we populate this country with sane, socially responsible, financially independent adults.

I have absolutely NO problem understanding that my child is not welcome nor safe everywhere. But on my blog and in my identity? He is celebrated.

Why would I apologize for that? Why would it make my writing and site somehow 'less serious' or interesting? Did I park my smart at the door as I went into labor?

You know, I spent 15 years in an industry of mostly men who liked to discuss processor speed, golf, gadgets, high-performance cars, off-shore resourcing, their kids, the always-impending death of Linux, and cities that were the most fun to attend for conferences.

I'm only interested in half those things.

Sure, I always could have moved on to another conversation if I was bored witless. But I usually stayed. Because these were my co-workers, my work community.

And if I brought up my son, his school, his activities, or some other 'Mommy' topic... they usually stayed, too. And not just because they had to.

They took their part in the conversation as fathers, as Americans interested in our Education system, as people.

It didn't make me seem less for bringing it up. Just as I didn't think less of them for obsessing on Tiger's putting. Conversations moved in and around and we all took our turn, you know, like real people do.

(You know, the way our parents taught us.)

This specific blog was started because I was trying to balance being a corporate muck in the IT industry with being an involved parent. And the two? Often seemed incompatible. And I'd SEEN my dad do it so I just kept thinking... what am I doing wrong?

Thousands of people responded, and that conversation has changed my life.

'Mommy Blogging' is the lowest form of the art, how the hell did all this happen?

'Mommy Bloggers'? Are an obscenely powerful force in retail marketing, politics, and in building the social folkways that help anchor society.

Why aren't we proud of that? Why aren't we flexing it?

Why isn't the fact that I am raising my child to play nice with all the other children just as vital and interesting as the fact that I know how to build out a data center?

But even if it isn't, I will STILL talk about it. Because it is a big piece of me. My truth. My view, from right here. It is what makes my voice strong. It is what makes my soul free.

Why should be abashed at that?


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Comments


Darling, there is NOTHING wrong with Mommy Blogging. Seriously. One thing you're doing right, though, is you're keeping Bear's identity separate from yours and this blog.

It was a realization after I got pregnant with and blogged the entire pregnancy with my youngest son. Our identities need to be separate. I am insanely proud of him, so happy he's here, I blog (privately in a password-protected area) about his every fart and burp and I take thousands of pictures of him as well (also password-protected).

I did that because of the people coming to my blog that I knew were reading with their fangs out - but mostly because there are millions (only, in my case it was more probably in the tens) of people who read with their fangs out and I DON'T KNOW THEM.

I just don't leave it out there for the rest of the world to see. THAT is what makes me uncomfortable with certain "A Lister" mommy bloggers. The fact that their child's every whimper is recorded for posterity (and kept in The Wayback Machine even if deletion happens). At some point, all of our beautiful young children will become -- how to say this delicately -- teenaged hormonal monsters and God HELP these mommy bloggers if their fellow hateful teenagers find their blogs (you know, with their full name for the whole world to see and again, their every fart and poop recorded and kept in Wayback Machine vaults).

This is my very long-winded way of validating your feelings because I, too, felt alone and needed female encouragement from my peers and fellow mommies, but also attempting to voice SOME of the concerns about mommy blogging.

You, of course, blog about your child and his daily life with gentle grace. Not every mommy blogger does so. More's the pity.

Eh. I'll shaddup now.

Love you!

Posted by: Margi on August 7, 2007 03:48 PM


I think somehow the society at large decided parenting was less than worthy. What a crock.

And I love Mommy bloggers, BTW. There's nothing like a family story to put things in perspective.

Posted by: caltechgirl on July 30, 2007 09:37 PM


Very well stated.

And I have to agree with the previous commenter -- the apologetic tone for being mommy bloggers is probably more out of trying to fit in than a lack of pride in what they are doing. I'm guilty of it myself. On the one hand, changing those attitudes may have to begin with us, and maybe we shouldn't affect that manner. But on the other hand, I think the attitude is societal and that it may take a generation for the change to occur. So we do what we can to feel accepted.

Posted by: Donna on July 30, 2007 07:26 PM


I'm not a mom, but I have no problem with mommy blogs. I even visit a blog written by a woman who has a day care; not because I'm looking for tips, but because I like what she has to say about the kids, her role, and parenting (or lack thereof, in some circles) in our society.

I've never been to Blogher either, but I suspect the apologetic tone of those women's voices had something to do with a nasty "I hate mommy bloggers" post that was written by one of last year's attendees. I remember it generated quite a furor at the time--it must have, because I heard about it even though I don't travel in the Mommy or Blogher circles.

Not to re-ignite the argument, but you can find the post by Googling the title I mentioned above.

Posted by: Sharkey on July 30, 2007 01:39 PM