Quick! Send Boston Condoms!

March 08, 2007 | Category: Not The Nightly News

According to reports on popular Brazilian celebrity website Glamurama.com.br, Gisele Bundchen could be as much as 2 month's pregnant with boyfriend Tom Brady's baby. The catwalk beauty has been dating the Patriot's football star since before Christmas. Tom's actress ex-girlfriend Bridget Moynahan recently revealed she is also pregnant with his baby.

I have Tom Brady's autograph.

Although he was born and raised in California and majored in "organizational studies" in Michigan, this guy is New England Royalty.

One day, my brother saw him - OUT IN PUBLIC and everything - and, naturally, stalked him up and down some aisles before finding the chance to ask Tom for it (for my son, who isn't sure if Football is the game with the oval ball or the orange one. But still, an excellent gift with warm-hearted intentions).

But my point here, and I do have one, is that scene of that adventure was - yes indeed! - a drugstore. Proof - in my very own house - that Tom Brady knows how to find one. More importantly, he knows how to ENTER one and make an actual purchase (even with the 4-point difficulty factor of being stalked by my oh-so-not stealthy brother in his Grumpy the Dwarf hat).

Thinking about how that man walked past the infamous glass case has forced me to the sad conclusion that Tom Brady must not grasp the concept of condoms.

Considering his abilities with the ball on the field, I just can't imagine he'd have, um, you know, manipulative dificulties *cough*.

So it just has to be the concept itself. Maybe no one has explained to him what they are FOR.

A multimillion dollar NFL quarterback like him, poor thing, probably never had anyone there to sit him down with the birds and the bees and the Trojan and the banana and explain the whole 'Let's only knock up one woman at a time' scheme that seems so popular with the rest of us.

Or, hell, maybe I'm wrong.

Could be that the man has some kind of super-secret double-pinkie-swear Scientology quiet-alien-birth-invasion plan to repopulate the Earth with really, really, pretty footballers.

Um, in which case....

Carry on.

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