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The Lie

February 21, 2007 | Category: In My Life

Last weekend we went to the Enchanted Castle for a birthday party. It was a heaving mass of sneezing, hacking, nose-wiping, sugar-high kids. Of course, Bear had a blast.

As soon as I got him home, CD and I hoisted Bear into a tub and scrubbed a fine layer of skin off. Dagnabbit, we didn't get there in time.

This morning our beautiful boy awoke with that barking cough that we know, and hate.

Vaporizers are now set on stun, captain. Benedryl locked and loaded.

Back here at the ranch...

1) Moving to Canda. This is true.

It will take about 2 years to get their equivalent of a green card (landed status).

They have a streamlined paperwork version of the application, not currently available to Americans living in America, and we were all hyped because it was availabe to CD. The catch? The queue time for THAT process is about... 4 years.

So we'll go the American route, and look for a job there in the meantime (work visas are available - I've had two).

Why Canada? It was a long, long decision... if anyone remembers when we first started thinking about moving. And not all the reasons are logical, listed.

Like when I landed in England, got to London, and walked along the Thames that first afternoon. I knew - solidly in my soul with no more proof than the sun on the river and the distant traffic - that I could spend the rest of my life there and be happy.

Come to think of it, I almost did.

The more we looked for where we should go, someplace with a great education system that was much more rural, geographically beautiful, family-friendly, and had enough of an IT field for CD .... the more we kept casting our eyes north. First to Minneapolis and Buffalo. Then, as Bear would say, Norther.

I think if I hadn't wanted Canada, we might have ended up in Sweden - which is where most of CD's family has emigrated. But with due respect to the Ikea mothership, no.

So, Canada.

On a side note, Michelle pointed out to me yesterday (oh, I love me some Gmail-Chat), that another member of the blogworld is poised to make this trek already. Chasmyn and her brood are moving up to Canada in about.. hmmm... 6 days.

2) Heath Ledger and Tom Cruise. Yes, heaven help me, this is true too.

3) Bear's School versus Corporate Mommy.
This is the lie.

In fact, I was fired as room mother.

The teacher put on that glazed smile a few weeks ago and informed me that she had decided to the all the planning and preparation for the class party for Valentine's Day, wouldn't need any help with the 100th day celebration, and gee, if she did suddenly need my services again - why she would CALL.

Bear and I got together his Scooby-Doo Valentines and made that banner and I just pretended that everything was fine. Because this is SO not his battle. And I was told, when I made the obligatory "WTF?!" phone call, that while Room Parents do have traditional responsibilities - we serve at the pleasure of the teachers.

As though all this comes with free rides on Air Force One.

The principal? The one that told me that 'children from lower-socioeconomic strata are sometimes taught at home to use violence to solve problems and that I, as a parent, had to understand that?' She didn't return my call.

Holy Hannah, yes. Yes, I am THAT mom.

4. Lapband. Yes, this is true. I am considering it. Also the new medication out there. I am very, very serious about getting help because the long-term effects of obesity are terrifying, and also because I want to be healthier for my life. I want to be able to ice skate with Bear and twist into monkey love positions with CD (should, you know, his back ever fully heal).

5. The End of the Ravings of a Corporate Mommy. Yes, this is true, too. I had decided during my 100 days recently that this blog had run to its natural end.

But I couldn't pull the plug. I am now considering either a blog with private posts or setting this blog up on a regular schedule like Helen does. Although she posts every weekday and I might choose just 2 or 3 set days a week. CD got me the software to make podcasts, so there's all kinds of options.

I read all your emails, and the comments, and it made me think that I was being silly to think that now that my journey from corporate shark to freelancing minnow is sealed that the story seems to have strolled to where it should end.

But there is a part of me that wonders if I am hanging on after jumping the shark. I am scared that somehow I will get to be like this sad caricature of who Corporate Mommy used to be.

And I have learned, since revealing my real name, to be timid in my words. And that just has to stop.

I want to keep this blog alive, if anyone is still reading. I want the freedom to write what I feel and think, really. I want to stop pulling down drafts because I am afraid.. of the reaction, of who might be reading.

It's just... how?

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I too would miss you if you go Elizabeth. I think that your happy ending awaits you, and you are just on the cusp of finding it, and I would be so, so sad to miss it.

Posted by: Mel on March 4, 2007 08:53 AM

I would really love to keep reading what you write, wherever the writing ends up. What you have to say means a lot to me.

Posted by: laura on March 1, 2007 08:25 PM

Oh my goodness! I hope that you don't take down your blog. I really enjoy your writing, what YOU have to say, from the inside. The trappings don't matter; we are all certainly more than what we do. Hope I'm making sense.

Posted by: abogada on February 24, 2007 07:23 PM

Yet another lurker, yet another request to be kept appraised of any moves to anonymity you make, if it's possible. I really enjoy your writing, and the shift to non-corporate hasn't changed that - your take on the world is what's kept me coming back, and that's still as present as ever.

I can definitely understand about the desire to keep things a bit more circumspect, though, and above all I want *you* to do what's right for your life. I hope that there's still a way forthe rest of us to keep up with it, but that's most certainly secondary!

Posted by: alice on February 24, 2007 11:47 AM

If you stopped blogging, I would miss this place. If you do quit, leave a link to a website for where we'll find your work other places?

You are a gifted writer and I think you'd have a good shot at freelancing or contributing to any number of websites, webzines and print media.

But I hope you don't quit. So much of what you say resonates so much with me. (In a completely non-stalkery way). Even if you quit the blog... please don't quit writing.

Posted by: paige on February 22, 2007 06:06 PM

How about this:
Create another blog - completely anonymous. Mention here that if people would like to know what/where it is that they'll have to email you personally to get a link. Then you can decide who gets to jump ship with you and who doesn't. I believe Helen did something like this when she started her secondary blog - she may have some more ideas.

I'd miss you if you left.

Posted by: Suz on February 22, 2007 03:25 PM

I would miss your blog SOOOOO much. I know I suck at taking time to comment, but I love your writing style and the way you think and just everything . . . (hmm . . . now I sound like a stalker . . . nice.)

whatever you decide, please keep me in the loop!!!!


Posted by: Jen_Jakesmom on February 22, 2007 09:55 AM

Please share -- what is the new med you're considering re: weight loss! I might try it too!

I half jokingly frequently say we should move to Canada! If my husband didn't like warm weather so much we'd seriously consider it. The schools, the universal healthcare, the diversity, the landscape -- sign me up!

Posted by: Kelly on February 22, 2007 09:33 AM

Moving to Canada is going to be an experience. Getting the "green card" or whatever it's called, will be another one. These are experiences I'll probably never go through, and I would love to read about yours, from your unique and clear perspective. From one minnow to another.

Posted by: rootietoot on February 22, 2007 07:24 AM

I am fascinated by your decision to emigrate to Canada. Could you briefly, or at length, comment on the factors behind your decision. What is the main reason? Do you know anyone there? Do you have any family there? Do you believe Canada will be better, and in what ways? We have also thought about leaving the U.S. ... I admire your courage.

Posted by: Margaret on February 22, 2007 07:10 AM

Hi there, I am a lurker and have been reading for 2 years, I LOVE your blog, as a Corporate Mommy myself I thought I would stop reading more as you became the *unCorporate Mommy :)* but I haven't, your writing speaks to me and I encourage you to continue.

Canada, as a Canadian I can't be more positive about my country (we have our issues) but I love our home, I'm in Ottawa (Nations Capital) and I think it would be a great place for you folks (high tech capital and all). EAST Coast is lovely (PEI Prince Edward Island is gorgeous) West Coast (BC British Columbia increadible) so many choices and Canada is a country of typically free thinking folks (Same sex marriage is legal) I'd like to think we are all about mindng our own business, proud of our Peace Keeper moniker, Economy is good, compared to the States our cost of living is much higher.

You should check out MLS and see what you like for the regions

We have a solid education system (okay not perfect but hey who is) in Ottawa Bilingualism and French Immersion is huge, as you move West less so, We have here in Ottawa the following Boards of Education: French Catholic, French Public, Catholic and the Public board, along with private schools (we have alot of Montessori schools also)

If you'd like to chat or discuss Canada, drop me a line I'd love to share the love I have for my Country with you.



Posted by: Kellie (the Canadian) on February 22, 2007 07:08 AM

I, too, have been reading for some time and really enjoy your writing and perspective. If you do start something new, I do hope you'll consider a way to include some of the old readers....

Posted by: gigi on February 21, 2007 11:59 PM

Please don't quit the blog! I lurk here often and enjoy your writing. Corporate mom myself, though my boys are quite a bit older now.

Posted by: Janie on February 21, 2007 10:09 PM

I think I've commented here once or twice, but I lurk regularly. I, too, would miss your writing. I understand if you need to let it go, but I'm hoping that doesn't happen.

Posted by: Sharkey on February 21, 2007 09:33 PM

Aweww. I've jsut discovered your blog and you might be leaving us?

Would really like to keep up with your new blog. I enjoy your take on the world and the battle with the stupid school. hehehe.

Posted by: Sam on February 21, 2007 09:26 PM

Glad to hear that you vs The Board of Ed. are at peace. Forget the Lapband, I think once you are really happy the weight should come off and that just might happen once you move to Canada. I haven't met anyone from there that I didn't like...very happy contented people. I have enjoyed reading your blog and wish that you would post more often but if it needs to end, so be it. And about your front door...replace it and take it with you as a rememberance because it is beautiful.

Posted by: LeeAnn on February 21, 2007 08:39 PM

I've been reading you for a while too! I love your writing! I work in the corporate world and can relate so much to what you write, but I also relate to you as a mother. I would miss you very much if you decided to not blog. You are very talented! I also understand about wanting to do it without your name being out there.

Posted by: Cindy on February 21, 2007 07:08 PM

I don't think you need to apologize to any one for how you think or feel. And speaking of, I hate to see you say that you feel like your journey is coming to an end. I would like to think that your journey is FAR from over, and who you are is only NOW beginning to come out. You will never be a "sad caricature" of who you were. You are a different person now. Yeah, very much the same, but definitely different in good ways.

Posted by: caltechgirl on February 21, 2007 05:00 PM

Dear Elizabeth,

Perhaps you could start another blog with anew purpose (like tracking your emigration, as suggested) and quietly let out the word to people whom you'd like to have read it? Another option might be using an interface that lets you password-protect posts for yourself or selected others to read. Hopefully these can work for you, or you can continue to write in another rewarding forum.

I'm very curious -- in what region of Canada do you plan to live? It is a fairly big stretch of snow up here. :) (To be fair, while I breezily inform people I'm considering "international" doctoral opportunities, in reality I daydream about warm Southern hospitality and Californian beaches. And generous fellowships; I dream about those, too....)

Posted by: madrigalia on February 21, 2007 04:44 PM

I have been lurking for quite some time as well. I had suspected the Canada item was true. May I suggest you write a guide for the rest of us. My best friend and her family have been considering living out of the country for a year to test the waters. I have a feeling they will love it. I myself would like to escape. I do not feel the way we live here is necessarily the best for children. This is a huge trend of women with young children. Please compose a book on the phenomenon and/or tell us how we can do it. I have enjoyed your posts for over a year now and will miss you.

Posted by: teenie on February 21, 2007 04:16 PM

I have been a lurker for quite awhile and I would be so sorry to see you go. Even though I am really just a peon in the Corp world, your words have really helped me to examine my own needs and desires as it relates to career and family.

Thank you Elizabeth!

Posted by: Flybunny on February 21, 2007 02:17 PM

I don't know how you keep the blog alive, but I wanted you to know, I'm still reading!

Posted by: Monica C. on February 21, 2007 01:38 PM

OH, Canada, Oh Canada! If I were to decide to leave the states, Canada would be high on the list of choices for me. I'm just surprised Canada hasn't experienced an influx of border-jumping Americans over the past, oh, six years.

I've considered the lapband as well, and then learned it's still considered an "experimental procedure" in the U.S. and wouldn't be covered by my insurance. At this point, I just don't have the few thousand to cover it.

Keep the blog alive, a good idea, I think. How to stop being so timid in the words? I don't have an answer. My real name isn't on my personal blog, but I still catch myself tempering what I write. I keep a private, handwritten journal in a natty notebook for those words I just HAVE to say but don't really want to share with the world.

Posted by: Jenn on February 21, 2007 10:09 AM