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The Education of a Bear

June 12, 2006 | Category: Mother to the First Power



We chose Happy Montessori for many reasons, the most pressing being that he showed early signs of being ambidextrous. It runs in the male side of my family, and has led to all kinds of learning problems. I mentioned it to my son's first pediatrician, who informed me that it is an extremely rare condition to have at birth and Bear would eventually "show a side".

Guess what?

Yeah. Bear has never "shown a side". Dumbass expensive over-booked pediatricians. Should have dumped them right then and there.

Meanwhile, the OT testing he went through showed that his, indeed, naturally ambidextrous. And despite all the fabulous pre-writing work that Montessori Schools are known for (in terms of teaching the muscles in the hand to hold a pencil and work on the fine motor control) - Bear has switched back and forth so much that both his hands show the fine muscle control of about a child 2 years younger than his actual age. The tester told me that it's clear that he's split the work that was designed to foster one hand to being able to write across both his hands. Which sucks for Bear, he's so frustrated about his letters because he sees what his friends are able to do.

So I'm not exactly sure if we got that benefit we paid so much for. Which has been disheartening to both CD and I.

Meanwhile, Happy Montessori demanded that they see the OT testing results before they invite him back for next year.

I asked why and they couldn't give me a clear reason, other than they aren't sure if he should go back to Kindergarten (which would be age appropriate) or to the first grade (which is where many of his friends are going). CD and I said that of course he's going back to kindergarten, he needs the extra time to get the OT therapy for his fine muscle control.

We were supposed to meet with the school this week and bring the report. And I have been battling that, around and around in my gut.

The thing is - I don't know what options I have. The local public school is excreable. And I'm going to have to go back to work, because CD just hasn't found a job that can support us. Happy is the only private kindergarten that even thinks about sliding scale and scholarships - which is the only way we are going to be able to afford anything.

I don't know what to do.

As much as I have grown to mistrust Happy Montessori, logically it seems like the choice that keeps Bear in the most loving and supportive environment.

And we're down to the wire, right? I should just suck it up and release the report (which basically just says he needs fine motor therapy and eye testing) and let Happy do as they will...

Then why am I eyeing the phone, thinking of polite ways to call and say "Screw Off"?


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Tagged: Corporate, Mommy, Life



Comments


Hi -- newcomer here, but I've loved the posts I have read. Love your attitude. I was a gung-ho career gal myself, back in the day.

Which is why I urge you to consider homeschooling.

Baahh! Don't fall on the floor laughing just yet. You're a competent, smart woman with your child's best interests at heart.

Why put your energy struggling with "the man," oops, I mean, the school system for all those years when you can enjoy your kid and enjoy yourself and build a relationship that you will marvel at in the coming years?

Just a thought.

If you want any further information on homeschooling, I'd be happy to help.

Maureen

Posted by: Maureen on June 19, 2006 10:54 AM


I largely second Robin's pragmatic comments, although I'm not a mother, just someone who had many awful experiences in many types of schools.

I'm also glad to hear you and CD are supportive of placing Bear at his appropriate grade level -- like Robin said, it's worse to keep them back when they're older. My high school didn't fail many "underachieving" kids until Grade 10, at which point most of them gratefully dropped out. If they'd gotten help earlier, maybe some of them would have stuck it out to graduate. I almost dropped out too, and I was at the top of my class.

Hang in there. This will be a learning experience for Bear too. You're setting a good example of patience and persistence. :)

Posted by: madrigalia on June 16, 2006 10:31 PM


I'm probably late to the party (having not read the previous comments), but me thinks you may have stumbled on the reason you've been so apt to forget volunteer engagements with his school. It's hard to want to help people you want to tell to screw off. :)

I'm sorry you are going through this. My son is four, and we've yet to begin dealing with our one-size fits all school system.

Posted by: Michele on June 14, 2006 09:20 AM


Thoughts:

telling them to screw off: no. you need them as an option, even if you decide against them. they also don't have to offer you these sliding scales and scholarships if they feel you are uncooperative and they don't want to deal with you.

not giving them the report: they don't have to have Bear back, they are not a public school. you don't have to agree but you have to cooperate.

not liking what you hear from them: is it because you don't like and don't think it's true, or just because you don't like to hear it.

public school: is there only one? my understanding is that most private schools are better than public, but not for learning disabilities. because the state has to pay for "special ed" type of stuff, Bear may get a lot more help in a public school setting.

holding him back: MUCH MUCH MUCH better earlier than later. I have seen a good friends son whom I love dearly almost get held back at every grade from k to now 8th grade. his parents did all they could, tutors, after school programs, etc., his mother is hugely involved and in the pta, it has been to little avail. she now feels he should hav e been held back as early as possible, instead of trying to have him catch up with extra help. he never caught up and is still a bad student, although a sweet guy. early on, he got the idea he was "stupid", how heartbreaking.

could the school be doing anything differently? if so, what? does Bear understand that he should and why he should try to stick with one hand? can he try?

so sorry you are going through this.

Posted by: Robin on June 13, 2006 03:19 PM


The reason you are thinking "Screw off" thoughts is because these people have basically said that your child is making them look bad, since they weren't able to shove him through the system as fast as they claim. Argh. I'm a Montessori fan (well, as much as I can be with no child in their program currently) but I think they sometimes get pretty hung up on having every child do every thing on the all important schedule, and forget that individuals exist. In another year or so Bear will be doing absolutely fine. In fact, he'll be worlds ahead of most of us, who can barely write legibly with just one hand!

Posted by: Tammy on June 12, 2006 06:48 PM


Because you don't trust them to educate and nuture your child. At least that's what it sounds like to me. Ever since they ambushed you with this whole testing/therapy thing you've seemed wary. And I don't blame you one bit.

Are you sure about the other schools? It might be worth your while to make a few more phone calls.

Also, just another thing to think about: will Bear be happy being in Kinder again in the same school where all of his friends are in 1st grade? I was held back in kinder, and while it ended up being the best thing for me, I felt stupid and I was miserable at the time because my friends were in the first grade....

Posted by: caltechgirl on June 12, 2006 11:24 AM