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The end of now

February 10, 2006 | Category: On The Job

Sitting at the edge of my chair.

Wondering why I have propelled myself in this way to this point. But it doesn't matter when I am looking in the rear-view mirror at a place where I have spent the last 7 or 8 years of my life.

I pulse with emotion and no reason.

I've taken to heart comments that I have talked too much of work lately, of this decision, of this very moment. Even as I pretend to laugh them off, I wince - just a bit. No one wants to hear, anymore. Ah. OK.

I understand.

My little moment is not much for me to have made all this sound and fury. Not special, or earth-shattering. No. Not much at all.

It is a good thing, for all my Hamlet-esque agonies.

And will lead to more good things, I believe.

And I had power over it. When the roads diverged, it was me who picked this path. There are no victims or losers here. We should be celebrating, I think. I should have thought of that. Planned something, maybe.

Never mind.

It is already this afternoon. Watching as the sky goes steel gray, again. Maybe snow, again. To replace what melted away.

I sit and rub my arms against the chill. Realize that I have already turned off the little radiator.

And I sift through a pile of business cards, crisp and new-smelling. Stroke my finger over the letters of my name and title.

Then, carefully, back in the box.

It is over.

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Tagged: Corporate, Mommy, Life
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Wow, does this mean what I think it means? Hot damn! You should be celebrating. And don't think you're getting off easy either, because you're going to be tackling the hardest thing you'll ever do. But, yes a big *but* - but the rewards are phenomenal. And happiness might be attainable. And certainly smiles will be smiled, and laughter heard, and good things cooked, and messes made. Life is all those little things in between these *events* that seem to have consumed lots of your brainpower recently. And now all those little things will be filled with meaning and coolness. I'm very happy for you.

Posted by: Philip on February 18, 2006 10:42 AM

To anyone who would try to tell you what to talk about on your blog-tell them where to step off. This is your space. Your heart, your mind, your troubles. Talk about what YOU want. It doens't matter if every post is about work, it's what's on your mind right now, and damn right it should be-there is so much in the background with it all.

This is a rough time for you, and you may find that venting it here is one of the escapes. Maybe you won't.

And about the job defining you-maybe it won't always. These things change, but they take other things to shift the priority for us. Be whoever you need to be and based on whatever you want.

You can do this.

Posted by: Helen on February 16, 2006 05:43 AM

It may be over... Yet the start of something wonderful is just on the horizon for your family

Posted by: angela on February 15, 2006 10:38 PM

I'm willing to "hear" whatever you have to say, Elizabeth - about work, about Bear, about anything.

I hope your first several days post-Mega have been good.

Posted by: Kimberly on February 15, 2006 07:33 PM

I've been thinking of you, Elizabeth. I hope things are well.

Posted by: Ruth on February 15, 2006 06:10 PM

Is it official OVER? Are you FREE NOW???

Posted by: Eyes for Lies on February 14, 2006 12:07 PM

A new beginning is always good. Good Luck and keep us informed.

Posted by: Chica on February 14, 2006 07:25 AM

Are you serious?People actually said you wrote about work too much?On,um,your own blog? That they read voluntarily? Really? Wow.

If that is the case, don't let them stop you because, for one, it's your blog, and for two, it's good writing. It's why we read blogs, to live with other people as they have experiences so different from our own. At least, that's why I read.

Posted by: rose on February 13, 2006 05:49 PM

Never never think we don't want to hear. How can I cheer you on if I don't know what needs cheering?

Congratulations on this huge step. From all of us still grappling with the thought that perhaps we too could follow your path if only we were courageous enough, today we salute you, your bravery and your new path in life.

Posted by: Flikka on February 13, 2006 05:05 PM

Congratulations on taking such a huge step. I hope today was a good one.

Posted by: Ruth on February 13, 2006 04:56 PM

It's always hard. And it's always fine (and great, even) to talk about it here. Congratulations on making it here! Here's hoping that you have some good down time ahead, and that you get enough chances to contemplate the moments as they happen.

Posted by: alice on February 12, 2006 01:55 PM

Don't let your job define you. Let you define you.

I'm fine with you letting out all of this emotion about your job. It is, after all, the force behind the title of this blog.

God bless, you. Take care of you.

Posted by: ieatcrayonz on February 11, 2006 08:24 PM

The other night, I went through two hours of running through the shredder negative rejection letters, photos of friends who turned out to be morons and of course unwanted advertising mail. I wound up regrouping a photo book or two and at the end of it all I felt more focused on what lies ahead. The Past belongs in the Past. It has nothing to do with your Today and Your Future which I believe will be bright! Best to you!!!

Posted by: MICHAEL MANNING on February 11, 2006 05:11 PM

good words for everyone...i think,

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask oursleves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our prescence automatically liberates others."

--Nelson Mandela--

Posted by: joli perle on February 11, 2006 02:24 PM

No one ever said saying goodbye or letting go was easy!
It will take time & you have many supporters in the blog world, as demonstrated above.

Good to hear from you.
I have no idea how hard it must be to bare your soul, as you have done, in a blog publically.
Take care!

Posted by: jody on February 11, 2006 01:49 PM

Saying goodbye, even when you've been hoping for the moment for so long, is never as easy as you think it will be. Hang in there, and know that you're making the right decision for yourself, and your family. It's time to be good to yourself!

Posted by: Liv on February 11, 2006 12:13 PM

Congratulations....the path has been chosen and the road will lead to wonderful new adventures and successes!!! Be sure to read Frost's "The Road Not Taken" and, if you can find it, listen to Randall Thompson's choral version....a fantastic spirit lifter for those who are torn as to which path to take.

However, every path has it perils and you need to "prepare" in advance both physically and psychologically. I thought I could handle all my issues, but DID NOT listen to the advice I was given and paid dearly. Should you want so "mother;y", "friendly", "sisterly" advice, please email...I will be more than happy to share the secrets of those who shared with me!

Go get 'em girl!!

Posted by: Janeye on February 11, 2006 08:42 AM

You'll do great. I swear that a year from now, you'll look back and wonder why you stayed there so long. Go get 'em, girl!

Posted by: Lucinda on February 10, 2006 08:56 PM

I think it's supposed to be hard, you're going to be fine though (after some adjustment, there'll definitely be adjustment). I imagine Monday morning you're going to wake up and hug Bear and realize that you get the whole day together and maybe it'll start getting easier from there.


Posted by: beth on February 10, 2006 05:30 PM

Congratulations, Elizabeth. It's a different life from here on out...and how exciting and scary that is. Way to go.

Posted by: Anna on February 10, 2006 05:18 PM

It is hard to leave and walk away, Elizabeth, believe me, I know. You feel a little bit of your soul left behind in your desk, in your PC, with your (good) colleagues/friends... you turn in your corporate badge and then...what?

It was weird for me during a couple of days, and then I started relaxing, I started to enjoy, I realized life is not about meetings, projects, deadlines and looked at my son's bright smile every morning when I tell him that I don't have to rush to be anywehere else -- and then you START to live again.

Here is to a wonderful new start for you, Bear and CD. Cheers!

Posted by: Sol on February 10, 2006 05:07 PM

Like the song says, "Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." I know the song isn't about jobs, but still . . . .

In a few weeks, you'll wonder how (and why!) you lived like this for such a long time.

Posted by: Sharkey on February 10, 2006 03:46 PM

You are stepping into a brighter tomorrow. The unpaved road. And that's a glorious thing. Thank you for sharing these moments with us.

Posted by: Cheryl on February 10, 2006 03:29 PM

The emotions must be nearly overwhelming.

IT is over.

But also? It? Is only just beginning.

I feel your heart in this, Elizabeth. And I'm very excited for you and what's to come.

Posted by: Jennifer on February 10, 2006 03:27 PM

I want to hear about these moments. I've moved my day up. One week from right NOW, I will be giving my notice. Three weeks from right NOW, I will be looking around to make sure nothing of mine is still here and gearing up for the good-bye happy hour.

This is A Big Deal(tm) I want to see how you come out of it.

Posted by: bev on February 10, 2006 03:22 PM

Saying goodbye is hard. I hope to hear everything--good and bad--as you adjust to your new (and better) life!

Posted by: Angie on February 10, 2006 03:21 PM

It is very hard to say goodbye, no matter how wonderful the change may be. I think you're going to be just fine, just as soon as you get your next Bear hug. And maybe a cookie. Cookies and hugs solve lots of things.

Posted by: RP on February 10, 2006 02:47 PM