Bitches. Of The Corporate Variety.

January 17, 2006 | Category: On The Job

Warning: This is a post where I am going to swear, so stop now if it offends you. Or not. Whatever. I'm not here to tell you what to do - I got my own shit to worry about.

Yesterday sucked.

It started with a phone call from one of my co-workers.

I'm going to say right now that I am not a sexist, I don't give a hot shit the gender of the people I work with - or the shape, size, color, sexual orientation, religion, or level of sarcasm.

I even understand that sometimes smart people choose to go to non-Jesuit Universities for their education and while that baffles the crap out of me I don't discriminate against them because they obviously didn't know better.

So when I call this woman a bitch, please understand that it is because she is a bitch. She'll talk to you like she's buttering you up for something but watch out, because the moment you look away - she'll get you. She's nasty.

She's like the scorpion who's ferried by the frog across the lake and kills the frog halfway there - dooming them both. This woman finds trouble because that's what she does. There is no reason for it, no rhyme to it.

And she never lets up.

Someone who is dotted-line reporting to me, but not a member of my beloved Tan Pants Brigade, did something. Something dumb (you know, like realizing your fly is down?), but human, and our customer wasn't effected.

Bitch was the one who saw it happen.

She could have handled it 1 of 2 ways - she could have leaned in and whispered to the guy "Hey, your fly is down".

OR she could have done what she did, which was to call a meeting of everyone that would come to discuss the possible sexual harassment implications of the guy's fly being down and the possible insult it could have meant to our customer.

This is the kind of politics I abhor. And the kind of human beings that exist everywhere and give the rest of us a bad name.

I hardly know the guy who made the mistake. For all I know, he's a dog molester. But he's mine to deal with. My guy. So I had to head into the breach.

Cancel the meeting, I told her.

Why? She asked, all sweet and patronizing.

Because it was a dumb one-time mistake, and no one will learn anything from discussing it except that we're the types who get caught up in the small shit instead of keeping our eye on the big picture, I said.

The customer is counting on me to be honest with them. That is the most important relationship here, she insisted.

The guy's fly was down, you think that is something the customer considers important? They never saw it and it didn't have a flipping thing to do with his job performance, I countered.

I decide what's important for the customer, she snapped, hanging up on me.

A few hours later, I get a call from the guy's solid-line supervisor telling me that he was disappointed to hear that I reported this employee for having a fly at half-mast.

Fuck. No.

I clearly, succinctly laid out the situation. And, of course, he asked me to do what I could to resolve things.

Sighing, I hung up and tried to plan my next move.

No matter what path I had walked the past 5 years - I would have bumped into a few Bitches over the years. If not in corporate America then as a room parent at Bear's school or answering the phones at the community center.

But the corporate variety? Gives me hives.

This is not Schadenfreude - that kind of 'told you so!' thrill we all get sometimes.

This is just power-crazed Nasty with a capital 'N'. Bitches who think nothing of what they do to a person's dignity, or their own souls. Who lie, manipulate, and maneuver just to get the momentary sick thrill of making themselves feel all pompous and big by making someone else small.

I just, I dunno....

But.

No, I still don't know.

I hate dealing with them.

Hate it. Hate it. It just gets to me. Every time.

Then the bitch called me after lunch, wanting to talk to me about something. "Have you canceled the meeting yet?" I asked her.

She spluttered that she had no intention of...

"Right," I interrupted. "Here's the thing..." And I admit, from there I made some veiled threats about the opinion our Exec. VP would have on the situation.

"You wouldn't take this up the line," she responded, sounding pretty sure of the fact.

"Your call," I sighed. "I'm hanging up now."

And I did.

I don't know if I would have actually walked this around; I just had to hope she saw that there would be no winners if I did.

A few hours later, I got the meeting cancellation notice. I was shutting down for the night, exhausted, and it slipped into my inbox. "Due to schedule conflicts, we'll address agenda items in the regular weekly customer reviews."

Doubletalk that meant she was letting it go. I felt a small wave of relief and then moved on.

Or tried to.

An instant message flashed onto my screen. From her. "Have informed guy's direct-report supervisor that he's no longer welcome on this project due to customer dissatisfaction. This account released him at Close of Business today."

It wasn't hers to have done it. It was mine. But she was having the last word. As the customer relations rep, she was flexing every ounce of inferred power. Posing for the adoring masses in her mind.

If his supervisor couldn't find another account for him to work with no notice, he'd probably be laid off. His salary and benefits gone. Even best case scenario, the guy's career, at the very least, would take a small hit.

I could have gone to the mattresses. I might even have won. But there's another 50 guys out there counting on me to fight another day.

Feeling tired and defeated, I simply shut it down for the night.

Bitch.

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