E,

The feelings you are describing come from loosing touch with yourself. You don't know yourself anymore because you don't want to face the truth. When you deny the truth, you deny yourself and you get deeper and deeper into despair.

If I can help you in anyway, I am always here for you. Hugs.

Ditto to Monica and laura - you don't have to have all of the answers and you do need this coming rest.

I can only imagine how scary this is for you, and so I'm not going to speak about what you can do, or what may happen. I will say that I *know* that you need this. That I don't think Bear is frightened for himself in this, but that he wants to show you his love because he's a perceptive kid who can tell this is hard.

And that you have a bunch of folks who are out here supporting you. If you need that support to take any particular form, just give a yell. It's hard ... and that's why you don't need to do it alone.

There is a lot of wisdom in the comments here.

Also? you need a rest. badly. Once you are not so physically and mentally and emotionally exhausted and you get the Mega poison out of your system, you may find it easier to get centered again.

Bear is a good kid...and he just let you know that the most important thing to him is that you are a family. Through good times and bad, you have each other.

Big hugs for all of you. I have faith that you will find your way.

If you are wavering, go back and read the last years worth of posts. It is hard to think about giving up the financial security right now, and I can't imagine how scary. I'm not sure what your religious leanings are, but prayer is a wonderful thing, as is the ability to put things in God's hands that we have no control over.
You made a very thoughtful decision, one that took your son's best interests to heart.
It will be all right.

I don't have anything to say except to pass ont eh words my grandfather gave me when I was in the sme position as you are: "take the leap - you will always land somewhere and that somewhere can't possible be any worse than the paralysis of indecision".

Elizabeth,
You're making the right decision. My son is now 20 years old. From the time he was an infant, right until pre-school, he was in somebody else's care during the day. This was purely an economic decision. But if I had to do it over again, I would stay home with him, or have my wife stay home with him. As it was, on two incomes, we didn't have enough to pay the bills, but we thought we did. We could have cut back on the eating out, dry cleaning, gas and so on, and still would have been able to make it on one salary. The richest person in the world can't buy more time. Isn't the time with your son worth more than anybody can pay you in a salary? Take it from me, with 20/20 hindsight, the answer is yes.

E., I think you're clinging to Mega, not because you want to or because it means anything to your essence, but because it is the only thing that seems certain at this point. Just because it is certain does not mean that it is good. You have wanted out of Mega for a long time. Trust yourself. Trust your instincts. Trust your prayers and your faith.

Above all, remember that nothing is written in stone. So, if you get to June and it becomes clear that CD's income is not cutting it - then you get *another job* - the one that you're meant to have at that time. If you get to June and you and CD are not back in love (Lord KNOWS I know what you're talking about here, sister - and can I tell you that I have really moved forward in a positve way with my DH? - SO IT CAN HAPPEN) - well, you'll deal with that then.

You don't have to have all the answers now.

Focus on all of the positive things that are going to come out of this move. Don't think about the negative until something actually comes along, and until then, just know that you will deal with it, just as you ALWAYS have!

You're going to be fine. Everything - every little thing - happens for a reason. Trust & believe!

My heart goes out to you. Trust in yourself, and keep your eyes on Bear...he's the reason in your life.

You're more than the star and author of your own life story. How you tell your tale reveals whether you see yourself as victim or victor, even when your story veers from the life you lived. You're also the spin master. Get on with your life and the positive parts of it, Mega is history in a short time so stop throwing yourself a pity party, celebrate the end of one chapter and get ready to open the next page on a new chapter, whatever that is. It will be exciting.

I've never commented before (I think) and I don't know if I should say this or not, but is it not possible for you to take a sabbatical instead of quitting Mega?

I am so sick of companies which drain their employees' self esteem. I've seen it happen too many times and had it happen to myself a few years back. You have so many talents, lots of brains, and could do so much that is worthwhile, even part-time. I agree with Janeye that you should focus on all you can do. You may not be able to start rebuilding your confidence until you are out of Mega (15 days the ticker says!), but once the negative is gone, you can focus on the positive and move forward. Think of it as a rebirth, new chapter, new beginning, etc. The possibilites are endless.

I can imagine how you must feel right now.

Please try to take things one day at a time. Don't look too far into your future.

And what's the worst that could happen financially? What if you had to move into an apartment? Scale down? Would you be less happy as a family? Some of my happiest times were when I was poorest. I imagine the same is true for you, too. You and your husband are smart and can at least keep your family afloat for a while, even if it's not on the scale to which you're accustomed.

Believe in yourself. In your ability, your talent, your intellect and your heart. You can make it. It won't be easy, but you can do it.

I'm with caltechgirl! You are working yourself into a descending spiral of self doubt and incrimination You keep looking at the "Don'ts"..we don't have the needed income to support us, I don't know what I will be doing next, I don't know if I will be able to give my son all he needs..I don't know if I still love my husband and if he will be there to support me...FORGET ALL THAT! Look what you do have...you do have skills and talents that can be used to work on a large variety of things that clients will pay you for....get into that Rolodex baby and look at your contacts and see what you CAN DO for them to create a part time job that YOU can control as a consultant. Not sure if you have had to sign a non compete or not, but you DO have talents and skills that are marketable. You DO have the time to help Bear with with his educational issues...you DO love your husband at this moment in time...these are the things that COUNT!!!!!
Don't make the same mistake I did with my son...telling him everything is OK as he could sense the tension in the house, the stress in my face. Don't candy coat Bear's world with the "everything is perfect" facade...that is the worst disservice you can do to him. You were honest and forthright and gave him the confidence that though there are problems and worries, you are together as a family and will work it out...remember love conquers all!
Hang in there...take it from one who knows what it is to lose almost everything! Keep looking for the positive in everything and take a proactive role in where you are taking your life...getting stuck in the "don'ts" is destructive..so DO take stock of what you have on a daily basis...you are richer than you think in both money and emotions!
Good luck and my prayers are with you!

Darlin' NO ONE has the answers! That's what life's all about!

The key is to do what's right at the time; and from everything I know you are doing exactly that. So Bear and CD's existences will not be "perfect," (whateverinhell THAT is) you are doing what is right for your health and mental well-being.

And from there, you take things one step at a time, one day at a time, hell, ONE HOUR at at time if need be.

And CTG is right for sure about one thing: That's what FAMILIES do. They lean together.

You are absolutely right to be scared but be scared together. You. Are. Not. Alone.

That said: I sure wish I could give you a hug. So this'll have to do for now.

{{{{{{{{ E }}}}}}}}}

God doesn't close a door without opening a window. BREATHE.

I'm going to say two things, neither of which I have any right to say, as a complete stranger, but I hope you'll listen anyway.

1. You're screwed up right now. Please don't make any serious decisions until you feel more in control of yourself. Just go with the flow until you find a place to stand.

2. It's ok for your kid to give you support. It's what we do for the people we love. Instinctively. He's holding on to you because he knows you need it, even if he doesn't know why. Let him love you, and CD too. That's what you need. Just let him know you love him too. And you'll do the same for him.

I'm here for you, anytime if you need a vent.