Die, Gerbils, Die! (Midnight Ramblings)

May 25, 2005 | Category: Family, It's a Trip

It's 1:04 in the morning and, well, I don't know how to break it to myself but sometimes a woman's got to do what a woman's got to do...

Self? You're not asleep.

*sigh*

Yeah, excuses, excuses. But we both know the terrible truth. It's those damn gerbils again.

Thank you, everyone that gave me suggestions. I've tried them all. I'm moist from a long shower (I hate baths) and slightly tipsy.

And, unfortunately? Awake.

The paella came out fine except for a mushroom mishap. The rice, the spices, the scallops and shrimp, and the sauce were all fun and flavorful. The sight and scent was a treat; all lovely saffron yellow and bright fresh tomato red and sweet green peas. Very satisfying.

*Bad gerbils, let me sleep!*

I need to get some boxes sent out - gifts for friends, family, donations for the shelter that is my special interest (hotel toiletries I collect over a year's travel, as well as Bear's outgrown but clean and presentable clothes and toys.)

My stack of "fluffy" magazines has gotten too high in the bathroom basket, time to send them to the hospital that took care of me when we were expecting Bear. And I'll tell you why. There ain't NOTHING a stressed-out high-risk pregnant woman with over 5 failed pregnancies to her name wants to read less as she awaits the sonogram than "Hospital Uniforms Monthly (New! 'Care Bears' Pediatric scrubs in pink AND purple!)".

*Seriously. Gerbils, let me sleep. Please!*

I got my annual appraisal today. Last year, I had to go to the mat because I was new into my department and the management was going to give me a generic "competant" review. Asked an executive to write a better one for me. Why did I make a stink that could have poisoned the well with my new management? Well, yeah, I'd had a good year and it was only fair - but more importantly, only people with above-average reviews got any kind of an increase last year.

So, I figured this year, I was doomed. Payback's a bitch, right?

But not so much. "You're on of our best employees," I was told.

Color me gobsmacked.

Oh, decent people being decent. Ain't that a kick in the head?

*Tylenol PM, supposed to put me to sleep - right? Because I need sleep like a flower needs the sun. Mmmmm, sun. Sunflower seeds. Seeds. Gotta plant the annuals soon, especially the Morning Glories. Oh, crap - whir, whir, whir... not again. MUST. SLEEP.*

Come to think of it, another milestone today. Bear said his first real "bad word" - crap. I told him not to say it again, and he looked at me with a quizzed expression.

Bear: But YOU do, Mommy.

Me: That's because I am trying not say an even worse word.

Bear: A WORSE word?! Oh, Mommy. You need to control your words.

Me: I'll try harder, OK?

And then it occured to me that HE'D been the one to swear and now I was apologizing. Oh, he's good. He's REAL good. Like a savant, this kid.

The time at the tone is 1:24AM. *BEEP*

I'm so exhausted that I could vomit. CD comes home tomorrow. I'm going to celebrate by stapling him in the house and taking myself to bed for a 12-hour nap.

My brain is still spinning.

A woman I work with, who makes about what I do, was telling me about her new Escalade. I thought about it for a long time, about all the different choices we could be making. What if we didn't pay the $26K/year we currently spend for Bear's Montessori plus in-home afternoon Nanny and put him in standard daycare, like my co-worker? Dropped the cash-only approach and got a car loan and charged some some fancy bling?

Oh, imagine it, Daisy Mae. Swimming pools, movie stars, a fancy house with TWO bathrooms.

Naw.

*Gerbils spinning spinning spinning*

The professional photographer who took the Bear's picture last Saturday showed me the proofs today. I was stunned with how good they were. She got the spectrum of his expressions, the stormy blue of his eyes, the shades of his bright copper hair. Ordered more than $400 of reprints. Guess what you're getting for the holidays this year?

*Yawn*

The time is now 1:50AM and my stomach hurts. I have to try again to get some sleep.

I owe a letter to my friends in France. I was lucky enough to have this gentleman on my team a few years ago and promoted him to lead. He was working as a tech writer after retiring from 20 years as an English teacher and before that as a captain of a boat. A big boat, although I was always blurry on the details.

After he retired, again, he and his lovely wife bought a barge in the south of France and now spend most of the year travelling aboard it. We exchange letters, back and forth. They are both so bright and warm and interesting.

Actually, come to think of it, I owe a lot of letters....

*No, no, no! Evil bad mutant gerbils!*

I know that this insomnia is part my being unable to relax when CD is gone and part reaction to all the changes in my life right now. That physically, nothing is causing this. But it sure is making me sick.

Good night...
I hope.

...And thank you for listening.

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