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Headline: Not breaking up

March 18, 2005 | Category: In My Life



Note to self: Honeypie, until you find your freaking brain again, stop making blog posts and then, you know, POSTING them. It just leads to editing, re-editing, and apologies. Time to sit quietly with your words and have a nice glass of chianti, mkay?

I want - must - say thanks. I am more misty-eyed than you know that there is a whole bunch of people, non-strangers, who have showered kindness at a difficult time.

I know my situation, although it has me in considerable pain, is nothing against the real hurts in the world. My life is full of blessings - a healthy family, a good job, and a home in a safe and pleasant neighborhood.

But such compassion, despite this. Each and every one of you is my favorite person in the blogisphere.

To answer the big question. We are not filing for divorce.

I need a lawyer because we've decided to write down a post-nuptial agreement that, if nothing else, will make a legal promise that in taking Bear to St Louis for the summer, I promise to bring him back.

All things considered, it is a fair and reasonable thing to do. Many movies of the week say so.

Don't knock movies of the week; they also drove home the importance of condoms, cell-phones, and a good hair stylist.


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Tagged: Corporate, Mommy, Life



Comments


Just found your site a week ago and have been reading your saga with tears, fears, apprehensions, and familiarity. Why do you need a post-nup about the status of the child? Whose idea to get that yours or CDs? From one who dealt with a friend married to a gentleman from Europe and lived through all her pain and anguish...this sounds very fishy. If this is just short term and you both know that this is just for the duration of your assignment, why is he so edgy? Is he anticipating that your freedom will trigger things in you and your outlook and the life of your son that he can not control and therefore can't handle? Yes, children need both parents, I'm an educator and have seen the devastation of divorce, but I have also seen how sons utilize their fathers as male role models....is your relationship with CD one that you want your son to have with his spouse?
There is something definately not right here and though an outsider to many of the past issues that you have had, looking through the glass darkly, there is something afoot. Remember, anything you agree on and put in writing is there for ammunition in a major battle and a simple statement takes on sinister implications when twisted in a court of law. One missed visitation, one late date, one small change can put you in violation of the agreement and can ultimately result in the loss of your son to him. Can you handle that? Please be careful....my friend lost custody of her son for two years (though she had visitation driving 5 hours one way every weekend to be with him and spending tons on hotels and food) because of an issue very similar to this one! Godspeed!

Posted by: Janet on March 20, 2005 11:17 AM


Glad to hear the news isn't quite so grim.

Posted by: A.K. on March 20, 2005 11:05 AM


Hi- I just found your blog and wanted to let you know that the law office I work for that handles adoptions works with a lawyer from Chicago named Shelly Ballard. I know you don't need adoption stuff - but she might be able to point you in the right direction, since adoption falls under the category of family law.

Posted by: Rachael on March 20, 2005 12:08 AM


Although I, too, am cheap - in this instance a post-nuptial agreement makes sense and is a wise thing to do.

Alas, I don't know of any family lawyers in the Chicago area...

Posted by: Betsy on March 19, 2005 10:13 AM


Maybe I'm just cheap (no maybe about it), but I would never pay a lawyer good money to draw up that sort of agreement. If you say you're bringing Bear home at the end of the summer, then you will. Period. Maybe I'm naive as well as cheap, but I don't even see why that would be an issue.

Posted by: notdonnareed on March 18, 2005 07:57 PM


I can't keep quiet a minute longer. When was the last time CD exhibited any thoughtfulness or flexibility towards you, you and Bear and your marriage?? He broke a major agreement with you re: parenting Bear. Remember the 18 months until kindergarten?? I know you would not take Bear away from CD and I have no doubt that CD would take Bear away from you. I don't trust CD and wonder about the state of his integrity. Count me in with "Eyes for Lies" if you no longer want me to comment. I care about what happens to you and want you and Bear to be safe.

Posted by: azalea on March 18, 2005 05:13 PM


Hi Fredette,

Yeah, it will be a fair agreement.

But to answer your question - even if we love it in St Louis, if CD doesn't agree to it then no, we don't stay. No matter what.

Just like he can't take our son and move away without my permission. Or even travel to his home country.

The agreement is that CD and I must live within 50 miles of each other and get permission from the other to move farther. With our home in Chicago as the starting point.

It isn't a control thing. It's for Bear. He needs access to both of us all the time.

But I have hope that this interim measure is not the signal of the breakup of this family. I am still fighting for us.

And to answer your other question, no please never stop saying what's on your mind. It's what makes you YOU and you are an intelligent and compassionate person. I may disagree with you but I will always want to hear what you have to say!

Posted by: Elizabeth on March 18, 2005 04:05 PM


I hope there are things in that post-nupial for YOU.

What if Bear really likes it down there and you do too: Then what? Will you be forced to relocate for someone who doesn't keep their end of the deal? Eeek....

Be careful. If you'd prefer I didnt comment, I can certainly respect that -- no worries -- just let me know.

Posted by: Eyes for Lies on March 18, 2005 03:28 PM


Glad to hear you're not divorcing -- I wondered but didn't want to ask. I sure hope you're able to hold on through this next year if being a long-distance family and then re-group after that.

Posted by: Kelly on March 18, 2005 02:35 PM