« He would share | What was lost »


All Aboard the Clue Train

March 02, 2005 | Category: Mother to the First Power



So, Bear is now an Orange Belt in his young kids martial arts program.

He tested last Saturday (his kicks are more like hops, but hey - he's 4) and afterwards, the tester asked who would like to be promoted to orange belts. Bear shot his arm up and bounced, his little body tight as a drum with excitement.

When the tester told him to come to the front and get his new belt, I just about burst into tears with happiness for him.

No, wait. I DID burst into tears.

So, about last night.

Normally, CD takes Bear to class twice a week. Last night I did it because he was running late.

I thought it would be like it had been on Saturday, all the parents cheering for all the kids. After all, you have never seen a more egalitarian or cheerful dojo in all your life.

The instructors are every color, gender, and age. The teaching approach, while grounded in respect and tradition, just oozes kindness and support. The kids LOVE this place, it is bright and happy. They line up early and press their faces against the glass wall that divides the spectators from the mats.

Was I ever an ignoramous. So totally missed the clue train that I think I was in the wrong station.

The mother next to me asked which one was "mine" and I pointed out Bear. (He's easy to spot - being the youngest one and, oh yeah, that BRIGHT ORANGE HAIR.) She pointed out "hers", a big girl who she said was 7 years old.

She then spent the next 40 minutes telling me what Bear (and everyone else) was doing wrong. And what her daughter was doing right.

The father on my left pointed out his son. He had 2 little girls squirming on his lap, but in his free seconds he provided me with color counter-commentary to the woman on my right.

The lady standing behind me started to chime in. Her daughter has been doing martial arts for a year now, and so obviously she was an expert. She raised the bar by telling us what the teachers were doing wrong.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore.

I burst.

When the first woman informed me that Bear's feet weren't parallel, I interrupted her.

"I don't care," I said, cutting her off.

"Well, you see..."

" I. Don't. Care." I repeated.

"You will when he falls down in competition..."

I refused to respond.

"That's your son?" Lady #2 asked me. "Why is he always raising his hand?"

"He likes to be called on, is my guess," I answered.

"Well..."

"Is that your son?" Lady #1 asked right over my lap to the man on the other side. "He would be a good sparring partner for her son," she indicated me.

"OK," I interrupted. Again. "Look. No offence meant but I'm just here to watch my son. And he's just here to work off some energy and have fun."

Silence. Ahhhhh.

Then. Behind me. Lady #2 to Lady #1. Sotto voce; "She'll learn."


Share: Delicious Delicious! | Stumble It! | Slashdot  Slashdot It!
Tagged: Corporate, Mommy, Life



Comments


Yikes! Unfortunatly, I am familiar with the type of "armchair warriors" you ran into there. Some people get a little bit of knowledge about a subject and use it to try and make themselves look good by making others feel inadequate. It strikes me as just plain rude. Frankly, I think your response was appropriate.

Fortunately, it sounds like the teachers' philosophy fits in with what you would like Bear to get out of these classes...a chance to exercise, have some positive social interaction, develop coordination and self-discipline and a great outlet for all that kid energy!

Personally, what I've learned from the practice of martial arts is how to deal more gracefully with adversity; I've learned how to calmly look a scary person in the eye even when I am actually trembling in my boots. I've learned how to fall on my butt and bounce right back up again, laughing. I've learned to push myself to do things I'm not quite sure I can do and succeed. The best teachers I've had were those who conveyed their knowledge with a sense of playfulness and humor, and who approached weaknesses in my form or technique as interesting problems for me to solve. Even though I've stopped training years ago those lessons are still useful to me.

I wish Bear all the best, Congrats on the Orange Belt, and I hope that he has fun in martial arts for a long, long time!

Posted by: Laura on March 10, 2005 11:58 PM


so proud of you for telling them you don't care! Not that it will shut them up or make them realize they're being ass-hats, but at least it's a start.

Jen

Posted by: Jen_Jake'smom on March 7, 2005 08:13 AM


man, those people are lucky that they didn't get a hop-kick to the head! eesh!

Posted by: lex on March 5, 2005 03:42 AM


OMG. Next time that happens, I double dog dare you to stand up, face the busybodies and do your best Bruce Lee/Jean-Claude/Segal/Jackie Chan complete with battle cries and varied posturing.

Armchair quarterbacking pisses me off. I have a hard time being polite when people are offering random critiques of my children. The coach, fine. But some dorito-butt couch queen in pink sweats telling me how my kid is doing it wrong? I would have to open up a can on her.

"Gee, you must feel like this class is a huge waste of time and money, given YOUR expertise. Sheeit, woman, why don't you just get on out there and show the kids what needs to be done. And where's YOUR belt? Should we call you Sensei?"

Posted by: Jenny on March 4, 2005 09:59 PM


Why didn't you just start laughing like crazy, remind these people (or at least those sitting around them) how lunatic-y they sound.

What I don't get about these running discussions on drive-by comments is why people take them so seriously. There's so many crazies in the world (just look around any standard dept of motor vehicles and you can see what I mean) -- why give them any power? Honestly, if you just handle them with humor, virtually all of the sting disappears and it gives everybody a chance to step back.

Me, I would have said something like "Can't take the slacker out of the mom." Or "Yep, there goes the mother of the year award." No big judgment. No "I'm right, you're wrong." Just a step-back moment of lightness.

Jmho. Life's too short to fret even for second over the ever-present idiocy of some of the masses.

Congrats on the orange belt!

Cathy

Posted by: cathy on March 4, 2005 09:48 AM


AhhhhhHHHHHHHHHhhhhhh....are you sure you like Chicago? Not that it is much better here LOL. We traded arrogance for IGNORANCE, and I am NOT JOKING! LOLOLOL

Posted by: Eyes for Lies on March 4, 2005 08:38 AM


Oy vey. From. Hell.

Posted by: Psycho Kitty on March 3, 2005 11:15 PM


BAH! Just bah! I spit in their general direction...

Posted by: Michele on March 3, 2005 10:39 PM


Arrgh. That's why parents are on the other side of the glass. Too many kids give up activities they love, because they just can't handle having their parents be so critical.

Posted by: Tammy on March 3, 2005 04:03 PM


Well, here's to hoping that you don't ever "learn." Gawd! I would have been less diplomatic than you. Don't let the overbearing know-it-alls ruin your experience or make you feel abnormal! You have the right attitude and don't be afraid to tell them that it's their attitude that is sadly misguided.

Posted by: Philip on March 3, 2005 09:43 AM


Damn. You did just fine. My forlorn hope is that someday these other parents will get it, but I kind of doubt it. You get it, though. And for the record, parents like that should not be allowed to attend classes. And yes, I have trained four different martial arts, to a fairly high level so I do know what I am talking about. Elizabeth, you rock.

Posted by: RP on March 2, 2005 02:23 PM


This is the type of thing I have nightmares about. I'm disgusted. I would have been a lot ruder than you were.

Posted by: Anna on March 2, 2005 01:19 PM


You handled that very diplomatically. I think I might have started barking. What those parents don't realize is that their kids would perform much better in all aspects of their life, if they weren't constantly criticized.

Posted by: notdonnareed on March 2, 2005 12:57 PM


That sounds like the Soccer Moms from Hell that I found last season.

See, their team merged with our team, and, well, they take it WAY more seriously than I ever do.

It's soccer. You run, you kick the ball.

No, they had to yell and scream and criticize the coach and everything else. Nothing was "right." Everything was "not enough."

The best part was that my son still played circles around their kids. In spite of his ADD / ODD whatever. He just loves to run, and kick. He also has a natural gift of balance and agility. So we don't have to do much more than say "attaboy."


Posted by: ben on March 2, 2005 12:05 PM