You're Not My Friend Anymore

February 07, 2005 | Category:

Friday was CD's Lasik surgery, so I was pretty tense when I picked up Bear from preschool at lunchtime. Murphy's Law dictated that, OF COURSE, Bear had had a hard time at school.

XBoy is at it again. For some reason, he and Bear are back on the "outs" and eating snack at different tables with different packs of friends. Bear's group is clearly the "B" crowd, and includes (gasp!) a girl.

Bear's teacher says that these dramas are normal for his age. Normal, maybe. But also a pain in the ass.

Impatient and distracted, I told Bear that this would pass and that he is wonderful, yada yada yada. He asked if big people are nicer, and I told him that maturity and manners do combine to make things better.

After he went down for his nap, I checked my email and saw there an invite for an old friend's birthday party. Me and Emmy used to be so close, for so long.

Then, for many years in a row, she made life decisions that had me biting my lip trying not to shout "What the fudge are you thinking?!?!"

Finally, I told her. I said, hey girl - I keep wincing watching you bang your head against that wall year after year. You know I'm always gonna have your back with an ice pack and some asperin, but has it occurred to you that you got other choices?

She said, you resent having to keep fetching me ice packs?

I said, some times, yeah. But mostly I just hurt to see you hurt.

And she said, well I'm glad you told me.

And then a few months later, she said, well I think we need a break from each other because now I'm really self-conscious about you seeing me hit my head against a wall.

And then a few months after that, she said, well I still want to be friends - but just not the kind of friends who fetch each other ice packs or talk about walls.

And then, we weren't friends anymore.

And now, I get birthday invites blind copied to me in an email. And I knew that she'd swear on a Bible that I was welcome but the smile wouldn't reach her eyes if I actually showed up.

And I thought about all the times I fetched her those ice packs. And the times she fetched me ice packs, too. And I missed her so bad, her laugh and her wit.

With a sigh, I went to Bear's room and crawled up into his loft bed and curled up right next to him. Half-awake, he moved his head over to share his pillow.

Bear, I told him, remember what I told you before in the car?

Yeah, Mommy?

That's not always true. There will always be hurts between friends. You'll just understand better because you'll have experience.

Oh.

I'm sorry, Bear.

I don't like it when my friend doesn't like me anymore.

It hurts.

Yes, he agreed, sadly.

And we looked up at the stars and planets on the ceiling. And rested our heads together. And it helped.

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