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Women's Troubles

January 25, 2005 | Category: In My Life



Off I went to the doctor today.

Before Bear was born, I had an amazing doctor. He was the kind of doctor that other doctors raved about. And the day we found out we were pregnant was the day I found out that Dr. Amazing was retiring.

Since Bear was born, I have been Desperately Seeking Dr. Amazing, Jr. with no luck. This was my 7th first date with a new doctor. I've only gotten to a 2nd and 3rd appointment with 1 doctor in that time, and on the 4th meeting he told me he was leaving medicine.

A woman begins to take these things personally.

Meanwhile, I've met some bad doctors. Very bad doctors. I'm talking Cult Film Classic bad doctors.

But my blood pressure medication was running out, my boobs were swollen like freakish water balloons, and, well, other stuff.

So in I walked, to new doctor's office number 7.

I didn't strip, I didn't weigh in, I just said to the nurse -Just send the doctor in and then I'll decide if we're getting to 2nd base.

A few minutes later this gorgeous lady walks through the door. She looked at me and said Hello, I'm Dr. 7, and you have a great smile.

Oh, she had me at hello.

I laid out my issues, including my recent women's troubles. Boob-wise, I mean. And she walked me through it all and did the exam. I was in her office almost an hour and she didn't even check her watch. I think I'm in love.

Guys avert your eyes - but she even had a speculum warmer!

I still remember CD's first introduction to a speculum. Dr: "CD - this is the big shiny medeival device I am about to insert into your wife" CD: "Gah?"

Turns out, I'm just fine. The boob thing should, uh, deflate within a couple of weeks. In the meantime, all is good in the world. CD can enjoy his brief time as Dolly Parton's husband. And I can bask in the joy of finally being in a committed Dr/Patient relationship.

Ahhhh.


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Tagged: Corporate, Mommy, Life



Comments


when i call doctor's offices, i always ask if they're young. it is a prereq that she be yound and pretty. i like pretty people to look at my cooch.

Posted by: Sarcastic Journalist on January 29, 2005 09:25 PM


Speculum warmer? Such a thing EXISTS??? I thought my doctor was amazing, but he doesn't have a warmer. I'm gonna have to ask him why the hell not!
I have never heard of the boob swelling problem. I'd imagine it would freak a person right out. Me, I'd have to start shopping the internet for ginormous bras. A belly and ass like mine NEED boobs this big, just to keep me balanced. Like a Weeble.

Posted by: Tammy on January 26, 2005 04:46 PM


Oh I don't want what you got. I'd be so over-burdened. Lordie. Get well soon :)

Posted by: Eyes for Lies on January 26, 2005 02:37 PM


I'm still averting. can I look yet?

Posted by: ben on January 26, 2005 11:40 AM


Ah, you've found the joy of a good ob/gyn. I've been spoiled and when I was sent to another one for a consult I was SHOCKED to learn that they don't all have speculum warmers. Quite the shock, really. Here's hoping this new relationship works out! (And that your boobs deflate - cause mine seem to be here to stay).

Posted by: Cheryl on January 26, 2005 10:14 AM


I'm gonna start a support group for the large breasted women of the world, I think I'll name it "large bossom buddies".

Oh, and you're one lucky ducky if you found a woman Dr. like that. I've had everything from the Nazi lady, to Mr. DoesithurtwhenIscrapehere. {shivers}

Posted by: Liz on January 26, 2005 10:12 AM


Well, I'm just glad that you found a doctor you like. I bet, though, that in 6 months she stops taking your insurance.

Posted by: RP on January 26, 2005 09:55 AM


I wish I had the option to only have giganamous boobs part time. But no, I lug these puppies around ALL the time.

Posted by: Michele on January 26, 2005 09:33 AM


Ahh...I don't get the option to stick with one doctor, so I feel your pain on that account. On the Dolly Parton issue, I feel your pain on that as well. But mine won't deflate.

Posted by: Elisabeth on January 25, 2005 07:15 PM