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Live With Me

December 22, 2004 | Category:



A long time ago: He stood next to me in the rain. We looked up at the window of his ex-girlfriend's apartment.

He said to me: I would die for her.

I said to him: That's the problem.

I thought about all their fights - over the daily chores, the grind that she'd wanted him to share. He had been writing epic poems to her while she cleaned up around him. He'd pledged his sword to her beauty; she'd snorted and asked he pledge something more meaningful. Like a mop.

It was 15 years ago maybe and I remember his eyes. He stared at her window. I looked at him, and I said: She wants you to live for her. Share life with her, dude.

And now: Don't get me wrong. I am charmed by the gestures, the flowers CD brought me every Friday for years. I get squishy for the sweet text message. I reach out to hold his hand in the middle of the night. When he stood beside me as we fought for our son, I felt like we were the only two warriors on the planet and that we alone - that we, together, - were in arms against the same enemy.

But never, never have I ever wanted the devotion of the Knight pledged to die for his lady.

Honey, no.

Get off that horse and come sweep the barn. Come LIVE. Come plan the grocery shopping with me. You scrub behind his ears while I fetch his pajamas. I'll hold the paper, you tape the corner. You wash, I'll dry.

I know that once we tackle this, that we can fly. Even in the darkest moments, when we've hung up angrily and feel completely isolated from each other. I know. I know that it is in our grasp.

But generations of Vikings kick his ass with instincts to deal with adversity with an axe and a roar. And we've been struggling, back and forth. And suddenly I understand. He wants to show he that's in this, that he's sticking.

So I reach to him and say: yes. Yes. Everytime the chips have been down, I've looked to you. You can be my hero.

But in the meantime, in the cracks of life.

Live with me.


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Tagged: Corporate, Mommy, Life



Comments


You both can slay this dragon!

Posted by: Genuine on December 27, 2004 09:06 AM


you write so poeticly that sometimes I'm not sure I'm clear. I never was good at poetry. You, on the other hand, rock. I may have told you that before.

We all have different ways of expressing ourselves. It took me 10 years to FINALLY realize that Big Daddy equated his obsession with providing for his family (financially) with the amount of physical work I did around the house. Even though I also worked full time outside the home.

Humph. Men.

Posted by: kalisah on December 24, 2004 10:34 PM


Girl, I've said it before...I'll say it again: You're an awesome writer! Are you sending your work out? Getting published? So many of you bloggers are just awesome writers. I hope you're at least trying. Happy Holidays!!! (And so sorry I've been a comment slacker - really busy and all - honestly!)

Posted by: *AGK* on December 24, 2004 07:29 AM


As always, beautifully expressed Elizabeth. I recently caught up with my first boyfriend, a kind and good man, who told me all he had was his heart to give. Lovely, but I need more than heart and sentiment. Like you, I need a partner for the grit of the everyday. I also require cerebral sparring, which intimidates the first boyfriend to this day.

Thanks for triggering these thoughts and feelings. You're good for that, Elizabeth!

Merry, merry Christmas to you and your beloved family.

Posted by: GraceD on December 23, 2004 10:36 AM


You're an amazing writer. This gave me goosebumps...

Posted by: Kris on December 22, 2004 07:33 PM


Oh yes.

Posted by: Beth on December 22, 2004 03:23 PM


That was beautiful. And it is so vividly clear that you're not tilting at windmills. Keep the hope, keep the faith.

And in the meantime, I hope you have the loveliest of holidays. Merry Christmas.

Posted by: Jennifer on December 22, 2004 01:31 PM


I share your husband's aversion to the mundane details of everyday life. There is nothing so depressing as facing the same boring chores every day, day-in-day-out, and knowing that you get to do the exact same thing tomorrow. The ONLY saving grace is knowing that you and your spouse are in it together. It's the love that makes everything else bearable.

Posted by: notdonnareed on December 22, 2004 12:31 PM


I just keep reading and hoping. I don't know what else to say. You seem to be the one writing the cool epic poems these days though (that's a compliment) - engaging and heart-breaking and full of hope, too.

Posted by: Philip on December 22, 2004 11:39 AM