How to Handle Difficult People

December 01, 2004 | Category:

When I taught seminars, my company would let me take any public seminar they offered for free. Probably so I would pimp them in the seminars I was giving. Like THAT was going to happen. Saying to 50 guys with doubled pocket protectors and triple pagers - Hello, I know you're here to learn how to code IP addresses, but let me tell you about my company's latest offering "Love Letters to Your Soul"...

I kept some of the free books they sent me though. Like "How to Handle Difficult People." It categorizes people into groups with tactics for dealing with each. "The Plaintive Princess" "The Guerrila Gorilla" "The Smiling Steamroller"

That last one is me.

Yeah, I'm a steamroller, baby. To quote James Taylor.

And that's OK. I'm learning to be a gentler, kinder steamroller. And Luckily I work with a LOT of other steamrollers. So some meetings look more like roller derbies. But it's all good. Usually.

Today I got on the phone with a friendly steamroller from some years ago. We work in the same group now, yet we never actually work together. So it's been a couple of years. This is what happens wwhen two steamrollers collide.

Her: "Is it true that you blog?"

Me: "Yes. Say it like that and I'll blog you."

"What does your husband think of that?"

"Why?"

"I wouldn't like it if my husband put all our details out there for the world to see."

"Are you still married?"

"Isn't it embarassing?"

"Isn't what?"

"Do people know it's you?"

"Well, who else would I....?"

"You know, my grandmother always said that if you can't say something nice, then think about how'd you feel if you saw what you said in writing on the newspaper..."

"I see what I say in writing. That's what blogging is...."

"Would I know you?"

"You already know..."

"No I mean - "

"Seriously, if you don't let me finish a sentence!"

"Well, that's what broke up that couple - the one who was married..."

"No, they're still together."

"Not THAT couple...."

"Oh, the one that moved to - ? No, they're still together, too."

"Are you sure? Because I ...."

"No, they are. I was messenging with her just a few weeks ago. He left the company, though."

"So not divorced? Just he was fired?"

"I didn't say fired."

"You implied it. You didn't say..."

"I don't KNOW. That's why."

"Well it broke someone up. "

"I'm sure it did. But not me."

"Well that's a relief. So you're going to give up the blogging thing?"

"When did I say that?"

"You said that you two - "

"No. I did not say that. Did I tell you that this program is..."

"No you definitely said that. Or I heard it somewhere. Are you sure you're not...?"

"No."

"Because he's great, you know, and..."

"Have you met him? Because I don't remember..."

"That time, for your birthday I think. You wanted a holster for your phone because you'd dropped it in the..."

"Toilet, I remember. That was years ago. 4? 5?"

"6. Before you had the Bear..."

"And before...."

"Yes. You should really think about - "

"Look, I appreciate the advice. You're kind to care."

"You're blowing me off."

"No, I am appreciating the advice..."

"Sure you are. Like a 2-for-1 coupon for fuzzy lollipops I can tell."

"I like fuzzy lollipops."

"Now you're just being a pain in the ass. I got to go, but we'll - "

"Of course."

"Bye."

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