Into the Looking Glass

January 31, 2009 | Category: Mother to the First Power

I took 3 boys to lunch at the local diner today, and it freaked me out how much has changed.

Two years ago, a friend and I went to the same place with these boys and it was a riot: they needed to be entertained, refereed, cajoled. It was all: Power Rangers! Pokemon! Batman vs. Spiderman!!! Just ordering their food took top-tier negotiation skills: they all wanted to make sure that they all had the same foods but there was little they agreed on.

It was like herding cats.

That was then.

This time, they perused the menus casually. The waitress popped up with her pad.

"I'll have a half-slab of ribs," said the first.
"French toast, with bacon," said the second.
"Hamburger, medium-rare," said mine.

She came back with the drinks and each stopped to say thank you. we played a game of cards while we waited. It was clear as we went that they were each used to different "house rules", yet they shrugged it off and worked at staying in a good mood.

As we ate, they talked about the sports they were into.

"Basketball, we had a game this morning," said the first.
"I just started a new fencing class," said the second.
"I'm still doing karate," said mine.

Once we were done, they needled me for some of the penny candy by the register. I allowed each one two pieces, and no two got the same thing. The woman at the register asked them how they liked the meal.

"It was great," said the first. "Too much for me to eat!"
"It was fine," said the second. "I love the bacon."
"I liked it," said my son. "Hamburger was just right."

As we stepped out through the two sets of doors, pulling zippers up and jostling our way, the wind hit Bear's face in just a weird way, pushing his hair around and making him seem different for a second. In that flash, their three shadows seem to elongate onto the sidewalk.

Suddenly, it was three strong men looking back to make sure I was following. Their voice rough and deep as they called to me.

I blinked, the sun blinding me. My heart beating fast.

Their childhoods slipped by. It was the future. They chuckled as they hit the sidewalk, ribbing each other about how warm it seemed compared to recent subzero temperatures.

Strong, and confident, and good.

"Mommy!" Bear shouted, shrinking suddenly in a blur. His freckled cheeks turning pink in the air. "Come on, already!"

With a quick breath, they were kids again. Jogging to the car, shouting about the front seat. I reached out to hug my son, wanting to feel his body in my hands but he moved too quick.

And I realized: Already, gone. In so many ways.

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