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How old is old enough?

January 23, 2009 | Category: Mother to the First Power



I did something this morning that I'm still conflicted about.

We're temporarily living with one car. By and large, this means no car for me and Bear because CD usually has to be at work on the south side of Chicago before 6AM. It's a 40-minute drive but because of the vagaries of the CTA, it's a 2.5+ hour commute on public transport.

However, this morning CD's destination turned out to be about a mile away. He needed a ride, though, because it's colder than a witch's uh whatever - in Idaho. And uphill both ways.

Because Bear was up late and has school this morning, I was really nervous about hauling him into the van while it was still dark out. Just to wake him up to then try and put him back to sleep.

I dithered about it last night. And finally decided that I would leave him in the house, alone, for the 7 or 8 minutes it would take to drive CD to his stop.

Bear agreed to it, readily. So this morning, I half-woke him and warned him I was leaving and would be back soon. I left his cell phone in reach, pre-programmed with my number. I left Sara, the Guardpoodle, resting across the bottom of the bed. I checked the gas, heat, electric. I made sure all the doors and windows were locked.

Drove CD the mile, practically threw him out of the van, and raced home.

Everything was fine.

Of course it was.

I didn't make this decision easily. He's only 8. The first time my mom left me in the house alone, I was 17. But several things have happened lately that have signaled that Bear is maybe more mature than I was at his age. And this was, truly, an aberrative event - normally I have 3 different neighbors who are happy to have Bear or come over and wait with him when I have to do things like run to the drug store when he's sick.

On the one hand, neither Bear nor I felt it was a big deal once I got home that he's been alone for less than 10 minutes. On the other hand, during that time, I kept imagining all kinds of disasters.

Normal? Not? I don't know.

How old were you when you were left alone for the first time?


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Tagged: Parenting, Independence, child rearing, mom, life, question Corporate, Mommy, Life
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Comments


When I was pregnant with my first son a good friend made it a point to tell me I was not allowed to leave my baby in the car while I went to the ATM or just ran into Starbucks. I'm glad she did... Some of these "common sense" parenting rules aren't obvious to some of us (me).

That said, I definitely would have left an 8 year old alone asleep for 10 minutes, but I'm probably not the right one to consult on such matters. ;)

Posted by: Shannon on January 31, 2009 10:58 PM


I cannot remember exactly the time but I was around 8. Take into account that I have an older sibling who was 10 at the time and for very short periods. I was way more mature than my brother, ha! I think I was the one babysitting him.

Posted by: Sol on January 27, 2009 04:54 PM


My kids are now 12, almost 11 & 9, and I probably started letting them stay home for say, 45 min to an hour, about a year ago. I try not to do it often, but it's so nice to be able to run out without hauling all of them with me.

Posted by: Amanda on January 26, 2009 10:56 AM


I was probably 8, I don't really remember the actual first time. When I was 10 I baby sat a 3 and 5 year old every afternoon from 3-6PM. In 1959 when I was 11 1/2 my parents left me home alone for the whole weekend when they went to Massachusetts for my brother's graduation. My mom told me that my aunt and grandmother didn't love me and found me a burden to be around. They didn't have any room for me to stay with them and if I went then she and my dad and two sisters - wouldn't be welcome. My younger brother was away at a residential school that family court had sent him to. They didn't want him there either. I later learned that my Aunt really didn't like me, a condition that existed from the time I was in Utero and that my grandmother did love me, very much, but that it was my Mom projecting her own feelings of not loving me. - MG

Posted by: Martha Giberson on January 26, 2009 09:25 AM


I don't remember when I first stayed by myself, but I think 8 is probably about right. I'm the oldest of three, so starting when I was about 12 all three of us were left alone together (youngest would've been 7).

Posted by: Angie on January 26, 2009 01:10 AM


Huh - there's a legal age for being left alone? Not surprising when I think about it, I suppose, but not something that I'd ever have thought of on my own.

I think I was probably in the range of 6-8 when I first spent time alone at home - I remember coming home on the bus and letting myself in if my mom was going to be out picking up my brother (he went to a different school, one which didn't have bus service.) It would be a hard thing to do the first time - I'm sure my first was something like this one, a time when the logistics pushed overwhelmingly in favor of staying home alone, and then subsequent times were a lot easier.

Posted by: Alice on January 25, 2009 10:15 AM


I struggle with this too. Heard that in my state, 7 is the "legal" age kids can be left alone. I didn't let Caleb play outside by himself until he was 6, but let Eli at 4. It's hard to know.

Posted by: Cheryl on January 24, 2009 11:38 AM