Hold me, Frank...

January 15, 2009 | Category: Not The Nightly News

"Did you here about the plane?"

"Yeah! Everyone survived. It's amazing."

Little voice from the back of the van: What plane?

"The captain made a once-in-a-lifetime landing."

"I know - amazing, right?"

"And made sure everyone got off before he did..."

"There's a true gentleman for you..."

Voice from the back of the van: What captain?

"He was flying a plane that crashed."

"And he made a landing in the Hudson river, and everyone got saved."

"Then the ferry towed the plane and docked it."

"Are you kidding me?"

"True story."

Demanding voice from the back of the van: Why did it crash?

"I didn't hear."

"A bird hit it, I think. Uh, they said two birds."

"Seriously? Because here I am thinking, don't they make planes bird-proof? Hello! Hasn't anyone noticed? Birds live where planes go! How hard could this be? A screen in front of the engine... Maybe some barbed wire or something? This seems like a basic safety strategy."

"When I think of all the planes we've been on, never knowing that a seagull span us up and *poof* - it's all kinda flimsy, right?"

Demanding voice from the back of the van: A BIRD? What kind of bird? Are you telling me that you want me to go on a plane, BY MYSELF, to see Nana and a BIRD could make it crash from the sky?!? Just any old bird?!

"OK, not any old bird."

"It would probably have to be a big bird."

Outraged and loud voice from the back of the van: THEY KILLED BIG BIRD?!

"No, NO honey. A big bird - in size. Like a fat ol' duck."

"Or goose. Man, those things are evil."

"In this case, two of them, simultaneously."

"Two geese. Or two ducks. At the same time."

"Probably migrating."

"Or suicide pact. One of each, you know. And no one understands them"

"So they went out large, you know? Made a statement."

Hysterical voice from the back of the van: STOP TALKING ABOUT CRASHED PLANES, PLEASE!

"Sorry, honey. Of course we will."

"Sure."

(In a soft voice) "Interspecies dating, you know? It's still the hidden taboo of the avian world. And avion, for the matter."

"I know. Can you imagine? To down a jetliner into the Hudson, in winter, for love?"

"Kinda romantic."

"In a Romeo + Juliet kinda way. Only, you know, with beaks."

"And webbed feet."

Some random shouting kid in my car: I MEAN IT!

*pause*

"It's just no good. They'll never let us be together...."

"Hold me, Frank..."

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