And Then They Piss Me Off With Fake Collection Letters

May 28, 2008 | Category: In My Life

We opened our mail today to see an invoice stamped 'Second Notice' and informing me that 'by my lack of response' I had affirmed that a debt to my alma mater, Loyola, is legitimate. The company, "William and Fudge" (really?), wants me to 'remit $150 immediately' - to THEM, not Loyola.

Gah?

I can say with 100% certainty that I owe Loyola nothing. Almost a decade ago, I actually went to the campus and paid off the last remaining balance I had with them in person, on a loan they'd extended me during my senior year. That loan had been a bane over my head and on my credit rating and after they printed me out a clean accounting, I skipped all the back to my car. And there's been no new activity since.

Trust me. Loyola knows where I live. They would like me to die and leave everything to their new library. They would like me to be $1000/head tickets to their alumni dinner.

I hate scam artists like Fudge & Williams. They are a bane on society. I mean, bottom feeders at least have a purpose. These people? Just cruise old rolls and try to scare money out of people. And you gotta know that some people fall for it.

If I believed in assault weapons? I would advocate using these people for target practice.

Instead I wrote them a nice letter.

Damn lying liars.
_____________________________________________________________
May 28, 2008
To: Williams & Fudge, Inc.
300 Chatham Ave., P.O. Box 11590
Rock Hill, SC 29731
Acct.: blah

To Whom It May Concern,

I received a letter from you today dated May 23, 2008. It stated that you were “assuming a debt to be valid” because of some kind of lack of response from me. This was utter nonsense as this was the FIRST correspondence I have ever received from you and, I hope, the LAST.

I DO NOT owe so much as a penny to Loyola University of Chicago in any way, form, or fashion and I especially do not owe YOU. I have, in fact, confirmed this with the school itself. I have been square with that organization for a very long time, especially considering I finished in 1993.

If you continue your blatantly ridiculous efforts to extort money from me, or in any way do ANYTHING derogatory to my credit, I promise you that I will unleash an onslaught on you and your employees in the form of my lawyers that will make hiding in the bowels of hell seem like welcome sanctuary.

You will cease and you will desist immediately.

Quite sincerely,
me

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