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Secrets and Lies

September 11, 2007 | Category:



There's been a lot of buzz the last few days about moms spilling how they parent high, drunk, tired. How how they escape from the tedium and endless need to be patient in ways that shock. And how they say that others do it...but just won't admit it.

Yeah, I get that.

But then again, no.

I don't.

I was a fairly uninhibited woman once upon a time. I slept in clean rumpled sheets as late as I wanted on Saturday mornings. I kissed the ones that made my insides churn with lust.

I went to Greece on a whim, and crashed my motorbike into a man's yard. Then stayed for dinner and a sly sunset, watching the stars over glasses of wine.

I have no regrets.

But the day I became a parent, I knew my place in the pecking order was irrevocably altered - at least for the next 18 years.

Maybe because I was in my mid-30's. Maybe because Bear was born after so many almost-babies died. Maybe because... I dunno. I don't know why.

I don't know why I always knew it would be hard. Sometimes even impossible. And that I would need to be sober, grounded, and sometimes even on my knees to get it done right.

Here's my secret, and I know I can't be the only one. Sometimes I hate being a mom. I hate it with a passion. It's a frigging nightmare at least once a day.

But I never hate him.

And I never hate me.

And I never wish it was easier.

Nothing worth it ever is.

I know that sounds like I am being willfully ignorant of the realities some parents face. Or judgmental of the choices other parents make. And neither of those things are true.

But sometimes I feel like people make it seem that parents who do their best, fall into bed with not enough sleep, and get up to do it again are somehow Pollyanna's who deserve to be mocked.

And it pisses me off.


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Posted by: aswkin on July 17, 2008 03:11 AM


Gosh....I never even think to do that. Sure, I'll have a glass of one maybe once in a while (maybe one every 3 months or so) but I'd never think to do it every day. I know I can't function like that. I'm too much of a control freak to be medicated in any way. But as with everything with parenting, we each decide for ourselves and our families how things are run.

Posted by: Grace on September 12, 2007 04:23 PM


I think you pretty much said it just the way it is... (mom of four grownups)

Posted by: sue on September 12, 2007 09:52 AM


Wow, great article! I can't imagine parenting drunk or high. I just can't. Someone who does that is at the height of selfishness. Would I like to be drunk sometimes? Heck, yes! But I can't. I can't look at that little boy of mine and willfully risk his safety, no matter how bad the day has been. I agree with mommaloves - it's time to get help!

I'm a first-time visitor here - nice blog.

Posted by: Diane on September 12, 2007 06:39 AM


i'll judge too! i can't believe someone would even suggest that it's ok to be high or drunk while looking after your kids.....
that's insane and irresponsible.....
My little munchkin needs me on "my game" everyday
That's what i signed up for
Sure, it's hard but she's so so so worth it
It makes me sad that people would just check-out like that

Posted by: Krista on September 12, 2007 06:28 AM


Oh I'll judge. You don't put your children at risk by self-medicating. If you do, it's time to ask for help. There are other options.

Posted by: mammaloves on September 12, 2007 05:33 AM