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Enough, Already

April 27, 2007 | Category: In My Life

I need a new t-shirt. One that says "I'm Sorry".

Because I am.

My husband, my friends, my house, my son, my family, my blog have all put up with being neglected for almost 6 months, now.

Well, "put up with it" is probably stretching things.

"Endured" is a better word.

I read on a board today ... "It helps to have low expectations" and almost snorted my coffee out my nose.

It's just so true about my days right now.

I look at pictures even from as recently as last summer and realize how barely I am keeping my head above water.

My doctor acked if there was any way to lower the stress level, and we didn;t come up with anything.

Mostly, though? We need to sell this house.

I wish my husband was the kind of guy who could take the lead with that. Or even, you know, help.

He hasn't done anything, though.

CD says he wants to move, but is completely and utterly paralyzed about doing anything about it. He can do chores, take our son to T-Ball games and Karate, even balance the bills.

But when it comes to the stuff that needs to happen for the house to go on the market - the roof, bathroom, and kitchen - he can't so much as arrange for someone to give us a quote.

When we got back from our Canadian trip, I just sort of collapsed again. Overwhelmed by what needs to be done and how alone it feels to be facing it without him.

I think if a truck rolled up tomorrow, he would go sit in the car and pretend it wasn't happening.

A 100-year old house with plaster and lathe walls that constantly shed a fine dust that makes out son sick is obviously something that needs to be addressed.

A 100-year old house that we can not afford because of our reduced income? Ditto.

A 100-year old house across the street from a pedophile and in a poor school district? Yeah, you've caught the trend.

The point is that we need to move. Canada, Iceland, Maine, Timbuktu. Don't matter where, so much as SOON.

We agreed this last Thanksgiving, and put together a plan. One that needs two people to execute, but only me is doing. And as I battle my illness, I have become so afraid that a disaster is looming.

And I don't know what to do.

I don't want to be Chicken Little in my home anymore. Flapping my arms up and down and trying to get CD motivated to DO something for the house.

Enough already.

Enough, dammit.


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Oh the bright side, at least you know he can't help and you know you have to do it yourself. (So many people get stuck waiting and have to deal with the disappointment of lies plus the disappointment of having to do it themselves.)

I'm in week three of renovations after starting to call contractors in January. I know your pain.

Just do one thing. Maybe just call one contractor and set up one appointment. Just one.

And then one more.

And, if it's going well and you have it in you, one more after that.

It'll happen eventually.

(Maybe you could make a game of it with your son. Make a chart with names, numbers, notes and appointment times. Fill it in. See how it goes. Make it a fun learning experience. It'll teach him a valuable lesson.)

Posted by: Cassa on April 30, 2007 11:49 AM

I agree with Margaret. We delayed our last house sale by 8 unhappy months and made 2,000 more after all that work than we would have without it. Was it worth 8 months of tears, fights and divorce contemplation? Absolutely not - call in an agent. Get some advice and if you can financially stand it cut your loses and run!

Posted by: Flikka on April 29, 2007 06:49 PM

Elizabeth, sell your house "as is." Granted you might not get as much as you would like for it but then you do not have the repair costs or the stress of organizing repairs. It's six of one and half a dozen of the other. Make sure your realtor includes a "sale of house in 'as is' condition" rider to the real estate contract. Of course, you also need to be truthful in your real estate disclosure form; and if there are serious issues, it will impact the ability to sell and the sales price.

Posted by: margaret on April 28, 2007 04:45 PM

Contact some house sellers in your area.
You can be as involved or as uninvolved as you chose. Contact the ugly house people.

Smaller might make you happier. Get yourself well too.

Posted by: Another Jenn on April 28, 2007 02:51 PM

Call a good realtor, list the house with them and have them contact the repair people. They are very good at this plus they know who does good work. The more they get fixed, the higher the price and the more they make. All you need to do is let the workers in and write those checks.

Posted by: LeeAnn on April 27, 2007 04:28 PM