Remember that the basis for marriage is friendship. Treat each other with the respect you would treat a friend, and be treated BY a friend.

Understanding the other's statements is not always as important as trusting them to be true.

Learn to differentiate between needs and wants. Choose to acknowledge the other's needs. We have no say over what the other needs. We have say over whether we choose to fulfill that need. But the need stands.

Focus on the blooms that *do* open - don't linger too much with the bloom that stays shut. Trust that, given the right conditions, that bloom will open too, at its own time. So enjoy the ones that are already open.

Never insult each other. Never call each other names. Sometimes you want to, but it never helps.

Don't make fun of your spouse in front of other people. It isn't funny, just hurtful.

Laugh lots and often.

Say "I love you" at least once a day, if not many times.

Sometimes, have sex (or make love, however you want to write it) even though you don't really want to. You might discover once you are more involved that you're really glad you did!

[typing while holding baby]

Remember why you fell in LIKE with each other and be kind.

There is some wonderful advice, here.

You, lady, are going to be the one who is wrong sometimes, and you may be dishonest to yourself about it. I've done it. We all have. The one who is being an unreasonable spazz. The one who is trying to win the argument, not solve the problem.

If you can look inside yourself and recognize when you are the one making life difficult, and drop your armor and tell him you recognize your fault and are sorry, he will respect you and love you for it. A good man will prize such honorable behavior.

Some women don't know how to say 'I'm sorry' and 'Thank you,' and they are necessary words in marriage from both parties.

Check out "Solo for Saturday Night Guitar" by Carl Sandburg. : )

My grandma used to say "The fastest way to the other side of a problem is straight through it."

I always liked that.

Oh, and along the lines of Melanie's comment:

Instead of fighting, learn how to agree to disagree.

Talk to each other about your priorities in life. For me, it's

1. My God
2. My Family
3. Food, shelter, and clothing
4. Everything else because the only thing that really matters is 1-3, although health and well being are strong contenders as well.

Sometimes the other priorities like to vie for the top spot, and it's good to refer back to the list every so often for a reality check. In my opinion, mates with contradicting priorities will have a tougher time holding the marriage together.

Love is not a feeling that is bestowed upon you by twinkly little fairies. Love is action. Love is a choice. Love is about being kind instead of being correct. Forgiving instead of righteous. Encouraging instead of fault-finding.

True love is looking at the worst parts of someone's nature. . . and then continuing to look, past the ugliness to the unique beauty and spirit that lies within.

Love is not fair. Love is not easy. Love is not always rewarded with reciprocal behavior.

And yet, to love someone is the closes that we can get to experiencing God.

Keep the little kindnesses going whenever you can- getting each other a glass of water, kisses on the forhead when you walk by, etc.

Figure out how you like to fight (if you haven't already) - some people thrive on hashing it all out at once, others like to step away and come back to it. It's a lot easier to 'fight fair' when you know what that means for the both of you.

Take moments to step back and enjoy the good stuff, especially those things that have become routine for you as a family. They're often the sweetest parts of being together, and the easiest to miss.

The first thing that comes to mind for me is not to forget to have fun with each other. In the chaos of being married, don't forget you're also friends. Mine is my best friend. We play, we tease, we have fun. It's not all about just being married. If that makes sense...

my husband tells me this all the time when it comes to our daughter. the same is true for marriage.

pick your battles.

Three things:

Fight fair.

Remember that the other person's mood is not always dependent on what YOU say or do.

No one can fulfill all the emotional needs of another person. To ask that of someone else is just unfair and you'll be setting yourself up for disappointment.

I was told Never, absolutely NEVER, say the "D" word (divorce). Even if in the heat of a fight you are thinking it (and you probably will a time or two), don't say it out loud. That's the first thing to get the ball rolling toward separation.

Wuv... Twoo wuv...

Ok, I won't go there. I'll just answer the question.

My only advice is when you have an argument, and you will argue, promise each other you will see it through. If you go all the way through the argument and get to the other side, it prevents you from running away from a problem. And usually from that problem getting so big it's insurmountable. This works in all relationships but I think it's especially important in a marriage. My now husband and I made that promise to each other when we first moved in together and we've been together more than 13 years. AND it has helped us come through ALOT, still together.

When I was engaged, I heard two pieces of advice I never forgot: "Marriage is never 50/50 - it's usually lopsided and sometimes for quite a while".

And: "Let the little things go".

Only one of you can be crazy at a time.

My husband refuses to engage when I am angry. I'll huff and puff about an issue and he'll say something funny and then we'll both laugh and then work on the issue together without the anger. I'm amazed at how he does this. Also, he does at least 50% of the cleaning around the house - and always has. I have never, ever considered that to be my responsibility alone.

Agree early on that "he who cares the most, does it." My husband has done all of the vacuuming and dusting for the past 22 years because I don't care if we have dust bunnies the size of a buick and he does. I hate clutter and dishes in the sink so that is what I do. It isn't always even but it does make life easier.

It sounds trite and old fashioned, but I learned to cook for my husband and having a wonderful meal to look forward to most nights has made him a happy, happy man.

Also, my husband and I promised each other that we'd take a honeymoon vacation together every year, no matter what. For one week, the kids stay with relatives and we go off together. Particularly once we had kids with us 7 days a week, that trip has become a hugely important bonding time for us. I recommend that every couple do their damnedest to make annual honeymoons a reality.

90% of what you disagree about you will always disagree about. What will keep this from driving you apart (or crazy) is to work to understand how the other person experiences life, and why, and to show him/her how you experience life. That's where you will find middle ground, even when it is impossible to reconcile your differences.

I was going to say not to go to bed angry with each also. Another gem of mine is "Laugh once, every day." Laughter heals so many things and creates bonds that can't be broken in the bad times. Laugh with each other, at each other, or other people, but it works.

My favorite piece of advice is a quote from Michael Leunig (an Australian cartoonist): "Love one another and you will be happy, it's as simple - and as difficult - as that".

and from my own life:
Every Sunday morning for the ten years we have been married my Husband has bought me a cup of coffee and a piece of toast as a simple 'breakfast in bed'. During the bad times - and there will be bad times - it's the simple acts like this that have kept us on the rails. We're still very happily married (and actually about to renew our vows!!) but at the end of the day it's not the second honeymoons in Hawaii, the bouquets on my birthday or the big presents that make it work. It's the simple acts like goign to the supermarket to get painkillers when I have a headache, him cooking for a dinner party *I* arranged when I've had to work late - and ten years of coffee and toast in bed that keep you together.

There are going to be some days when you really don't like living with this person. But it will pass. It doesn't mean they're not the right spouse for you. It just means that it would be really hard living full time with *ANY* human being.

This comes from my father in law, who gave it to me at my rehearsal dinner as I was about to marry his tenth and youngest child. At this point he had been married over fifty years to her mom:

"Yes, Dear." The two most important words you'll ever need in marriage. They can get you through just about anything.

And, he meant the 'just about' part, since they divorced six months later. Perhaps he tired of taking his own advice...

Never, ever, go to bed angry with each other. Things said in anger, in fights, take on different forms if slept on. Positions harden, wounds feel deeper. Stay up all night if you have to, but don't go to bed angry.