This is a tough one. It is nice that these "experts" are taking so much time with Bear. And if he feels singled out, it might end up being a lesson that will serve him well later in life... because he's going to "mask" for the rest of his life sometimes, he's going to be told he's not as good as everyone else is at something sometimes, etc.

If it were me, I would just make very damn sure that these experts are also taking the time to praise him and single him out for his positive acheivements right now. I know you're doing the same at home. I would spend this time with him stressing that everyone has different ways of knowing and different strengths and weaknesses. I think he can handle this concept- and really, the sooner he understands it, the better.

Both my girls (almost 3 and almost 5) are in all-day Montessori, so I'm pretty familier with the methods and approach. I would guess that part of the concern with the non-dominance and writing for Montessori is the fact that they teach writing before reading and maybe that is not the right approach for a kid that might be a bit slower to write b/c they don't have a particularly dominant hand. This does seem like a bit much for being 7 weeks in--seems they need a bit more patience which should be right in line with a Montessori approach. Maybe they just need to back off the reading/writing some and let him focus on the math aspects of the classroom a bit more to boost his confidence if he is feeling pressure and self-concious about what he is able to do. Also, unless there are other signs that he is feeling pressure, both my girls will pretend they are reading and I don't think it is "masking" in a negative sense, but just mimicing what they are moving towards. As with most parenting, go with your gut. Degrees or not, you know your kid better than anyone else.

Hey! I'd be baffled and flummoxed myself! I was tested as a kid in K, 1st and 2nd grade. Truth be told, I was just bored with how the material was presented and was a Class Clown. Nothing was wrong. Hope all is well. I'll bet you'll find he's just growing.

I have to agree with the others that Bear sounds bright, happy and well-adjusted. It sounds like they are just erring on the side of caution but I'd be wary of the masking. He's too young to feel that kind of pressure. And I thought a Montessori school wouldn't be that way.

And, ps

I love that there's someone besides me who uses "frell" in everyday conversation.

Hi,

I'm a preschool teacher and a mom of 3, one of whom is decidedly a 'non traditional learner'. You guys are in a little bit of a tough place. On the one hand, I do recognize his teacher's concern, especially since they've been together for three years.

On the other, kids really do develop at different rates and it sounds as though Bear has developed faster in his verbal/cognitive areas than in fine motor. Which is fine.

I would go to the meeting, express your concerns, listen to what the school staff has to say...it's more information, more knowledge...HOWEVER...YOU are the expert on your kid. He sounds happy and well adjusted to me. There may be some compromise here, in which Bear gets extra opportunities to develop some skills, without being under a microscope. I've had many many preschool students over the years who've needed some help or extra opportunities to develop...and one thing I've worked on very hard is being the liason between parents, school, therapists and child. A good teacher can really take the pressure off the child in the classroom. I know I've had to insist once or twice that the "extra" adults in my class remove themselves, so that we could just be our class, together.

One thing we did with our oldest child was to take him to an child psychologist who was independent of the schools in the area and have her give him a full array of psychological and educational tests. She was so wonderful and so lowkey...our kid loved her. Plus, we were able to go back to the school with it written in black and white that our son didn't have the problems his teacher was saying that he had.

But no matter what, YOU know what's best for your kid..don't give that power away.

Peace,

Paige

I tend to think Bear doesn't need that many specialists, and you should follow your gut...and Dee is your best resource...

There should be some sort of happy medium where he gets a little extra attention to help him along but maybe its a bit soon to bring out the big guns.

I know figuring these things out can be tough. I know you will make good decisions for Bear.

You just have to hate these moments. Relax. He'll be fine! After all, can YOU write with both hands?! He's doing better than most kids! I wouldn't worry about the masking. Most kids do it at some point. Try to focus and really praise him for the things he CAN do, and he'll stop stressing. Sometimes it's just from wanting to do whatever another child is doing, not because they feel inferior. I might be in the minority here, but I think if the school wants to give Bear some extra one on one time, it won't hurt. As long as he isn't pressured to do more than he can, and most importantly, as long as he's still having fun!!

Oh. My. Gawd.

Tell them that I said to leave Bear ALONE. Now. TRUST. YOUR. INSTINCTS. Labeling children at this tender age is sick and wrong. Walk away from them. (Everyone else said it all so much better than I, anyway.)

Now. Sit down, have a lovely glass of your favorite beverage, hug your lovely family -- and have a beautiful Thanksgiving, darling.

I second what Mia and Flikka said. I too wrote with both hands, sight-read, was (and still am) bad with numbers. At 5 I was reading with no problem (as I bet Bear might be, he just feels as bit pressured? Maybe?) But I was stuck in special ed classes as when I read, I couldn't do phonics. End of the world, right? Must mean I have issues? So I felt bad about myself since I didn't know what the shwa sound was, and it had real impacts. Angus was also in special ed for bad handwriting. Handwriting! And yet we've both grown up just fine, no prison sentences yet!

I was 6.

Bear is 6.

Like I told you-in Sweden, they get to be children until they're ready to be fast coursed through learning. He sounds beautifully well-adjusted, loving, sweet, and interested in the world around him. Above all, he sounds like he's A KID. That's the greatest time of his life. So maybe telling the specialists that your lovely boy is just fine, to quit stressing him, might help? I don't know, I don't have this experience. I do have a French sign, so when the going gets rough, I will send pics.

When my daughter was in kindergarden, she could read, having taught herself when she was 4. She did not have good motor skills yet, couldn't write very well and couldn't draw. They watched her for a few weeks and then decided to put her in first grade to read every morning. Before long, she was in first grade all day long, and it never mattered that she couldn't write well - because she eventually learned how. She is now an attorney, licensed to practice in 3 states. All is well. I hope things work out this well for your child, but I would be careful, as the first comment said.

I am an ex-high school teacher and am walking into this discussion waving a red flag. PLEASE PLEASE be very careful about where this is all headed. In my experience once a child is labelled by educators they find it very hard to shake that because it becomes part of who they perceive they are. It is very very hard to take a 13 year ols who has tagged themselves as "stupid" or "slow" or "behind" or "not as good as the others" and reprogram their thinking when it has been set at such a young age.

Bear already senses something is wrong here. You and CD sense something is wrong here. Listent o those voices and ACT NOW!

I can't tell you what to do - I have just met a lot of parents over the years who wish they'd listened to their intuition earlier.

Feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk further.

Flikka xx

Frankie is not starting kinder until next year, so I will have my own experience then.

That being said, I agree with what someone said above... you and CD are the experts on Bear and will know what's right. Take what the School experts say with a grain of salt and go with your instincts.

Heck, I was one of the kids who was good at reading at an early age but terrible with numbers. Plus I wore glasses and patches on my eyes. And I also spoke 3 different languages by the age of 5. And I could write with either hand. I got help with some problems that were caused by speaking 3 different languages and help with numbers. But my school system allowed me to develop at my own rate. I now write right handed but I am able to do most things with either hand equally well.

Let him be and develop at his own rate.

I'm sorry there aren't any sign posts for you, I know I could've used them when Gameboy was little and I could certainly use them now. I don't know if you're looking for advice or reassurance; what I can offer is simply this. You know your son better than anyone else; after you hear what everyone has to say and you've had an opportunity to think about what they've said, you'll know whats best for Bear. There is no shame in not being ready for Kindergarten at exactly 5, there is no harm in holding back and waiting until someone is 6 to start at all. I wish someone had told us that when Gameboy was 5, I wish I had listened to my gut at that first school conference; it might have made todays decisions a whole lot easier.

It seems to me like Bear is more comfortable at home than in the school environment. I'd at least ask the teachers about interpersonal relationships with his peers and if those have changed. Some times kids fall behind in school because of the way that other kids interact with them or with the teacher or because they don't feel comfortable making mistakes in front of others. Or maybe despite the obvious advantages, the Montessori system is just not right for your son.

This touched a bit of a nerve with me. When I was Bear's age, I had some social issues, being youngest in the class, an only child, etc. My parents went through a lot of what you're going through except that 25 years ago they didn't throw as many specialists at you.

I guess my advice to you is that as long as you and his Dad are comfortable with Bear's progress, just let him be, and reinforce what he's learning at school. Not all kids develop at the same rate, or in the same order. But in the meantime, I'd try to find out if something else is bothering him.

Good luck, and Happy Thanksgiving.

I'm one of the "leave the specialists out of it" kind of parents. Medical issues? Sure, bring them in and thank God for those people. But each kid grows and develops on their own schedule. I want my kids to be kids and not have to worry about keeping up with the Joneses, even if that only means how well you color, socialize, and write your name at their tender ages. And knowing that my Caleb is a lot like your Bear...that's part of why we're homeschooling, at least for now. Because he's learning and growing and loving it, but on his schedule, not one some specialist has on a list somewhere. {{hugs}} and don't worry. Bear sounds like he's exactly where he should be for him. And that's all that really matters.

Yuck. I'd hoped that the Montessori schools weren't as concerned with levels and standards. It's one of the big reasons we decided to homeschool.

"All X-year olds should be doing Y. Deviation from the norm must be addressed."

I disagree with that wholeheartedly. Different kids learn different things at different speeds. Different people have different affinities for things.

With my boys, 5 year old Bacon is by far the best artist. He's also just a fraction behind Bear in reading. Shouldn't Bear draw better? And shouldn't Burger be further behind in reading skills? After all, Bear is more than a year older than he is!

The answer is no - it's all good. If you're happy with your Bear's progress then don't be worried. Despite the professionals many years of school, you've got worlds more experience with Bear.