Letter to X

October 19, 2005 | Category: On The Job

One of the women who's looked to me as a mentor (yeah, I tried to warn her off and send her to someone more savvy but she stuck) was talking with me yesterday morning. She's going offshore for a few months, so it was probably our last talk for a while. She asked me for advice about a bunch of things, and it was too much for me. So I said I would send her an email.

Here it is.

Dear X,

The first piece of advice I ever give anyone is to believe in yourself. The corporate world will use you up and spit you out if you let it, and if you need to look outside yourself for approval then you will most certainly let it. Self-confidence will save your soul, and it is also the fastest path between you and the executive washroom.

If you don't have it? If a day is grey and you feel made of spun glass? Then fake it. Trust me on this one.

Never let anyone give you responsibility without the power to make it happen.

Your bosses may say - "Hey, build me a new bridge across the Hudson" and you feel so good at being given the opportunity that you shout "yes!". Now you're screwed because you've got a bright red pail, a shovel shaped like a mermaid, and a bag of popsicle sticks and a river to cross. Of course you'll fail, there's no way to win, and that failure will follow you.

Be smarter than that.

And on those occcasions when, despite demanding every good thing to succeed, you do fail (and it will happen), make sure that you left it all on the field. That you did your best. And then stand straight and own the mistake; let 'em know that the buck stops with you. And don't make excuses. Know the lessons the mistake taught you. Be able to explain what went wrong.

Remember as you climb up the ladder to remain what you already are - someone others can look up to.

The most powerful words in your arsenal are "Yes" and "No", so be sure you mean them before you say them and use them both sparingly. If you are not sure of something, then do not answer for sure. Qualify your answer.

For example: When a data center is wiped out by a hurricane and the Executives want to know if their payroll information can be restored immediately, you may want to say No. Because it looks impossible.

Do NOT say No.

Say "It looks impossible. It will take a helicopter rental, a qualified pilot, a kamikaze tech to ride along, some sled dogs, and a case of bottle water. But if we can get all that, I have a snorkel in my closet and I would be glad to ride along."

THAT is truth to power.

And speaking of the folks in power, remember that everyone you meet as you go up the food chain is there because they want to be, because they worked hard and long to be there. No magic bullet. No fairy godmother. And for the glamorous bits, like the travel and the input into the major decisions there is also the dark side. Like the time I had to lay off 40 people one Thanksgiving. There is no easy shortcut to the chair at the big table, and once you get there you will find it is still just a job. There are no villains, no heroes - just employees.

So keep it in perspective. Make sure there is life in your life. That you are whole and happy away from your desk.

And X, this is the most important piece of advice I can give you. Shamefully, I am going to crib from Polonius; To thine own self be true.

No matter what the corporate culture, or any examples around you, you stay honest to your humanity.

Respect yourself and your limits. Respect the people around you. Be kind. Laugh. Reach into your own pocket and buy the guys a dozen donuts once in a while. Never use whatever clout you have just because you can (not that you would, but we all get tested sometimes...) Protect those who help you along the way. Remember names. Ask questions. Listen to the answers. Challenge the information people give you until you are comfortable with it. Don't do anything that feels wrong inside.

Because there is no promotion high enough, no salary large enough, no perk cool enough that it is worth sacrificing your ability to look yourself in the mirror and like who you see.

Good luck.

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