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Confession

July 14, 2005 | Category: In My Life



I went to see a psychiatrist this mornng.

He was quiet and nice. When I sat down, and he asked me what brought me to his office, I started to cry.

I didn't tell him about my heart, or my high blood pressure.

Or how my doctor thinks that I might have a chemical imbalance that is causing a depression that is screwing with my heart and my blood pressure.

Or that I can't stand living in a rehab project.

Or that the garden is withering in this drought.

The words that came out of me were a surprise.

I said that my life has gone gray except for my son.

I said I didn't remember what happy felt like.

I said that all the things I love to do have become chores.

I said that I was angry, because finally my husband shows signs of healing and life and now everything around me was crumbling like a sand castle.

I choked on my tears on his uncomfortable couch and apologized for being incoherant.

And he said it was okay. He said it was okay. He said I would be okay. And that he would help me get there.


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Comments


You'll get there, E. *hugs*

Posted by: Jean on July 18, 2005 02:10 AM


Dear E. I am glad you are seeking the help that you need and on the road to healing. Big hugs from this part of the world... Always remember that I am cheering for you and wishing to comfort your beautiful soul.

Posted by: Sol on July 16, 2005 08:59 PM


You're in good hands. And I don't know if you will feel like I did, but there was something that set me free in my sessions, like for the first time I was allowed to talk about things, and someone was allowed to listen.

I'm here if you need to talk, Babes.

Posted by: Helen on July 16, 2005 02:13 AM


I hope he can get you there. You will be alright. Good luck and take care of you.

Posted by: Jazzy on July 15, 2005 01:10 PM


You poor thing. But at least you are tring to get help. I have been feeling kinda like that for the last few weeks and I'm scared to death to talk to my husband about it. I was thinking of approaching the subject tonight, and I think you gave me the courage to do so.

Posted by: Melissa on July 15, 2005 11:59 AM


Hugs and prayers to you Elizabeth. You took the first step that so many others refuse to take.

Posted by: ieatcrayonz on July 15, 2005 11:55 AM


I second all the comments before me. Lots of hugs, lots of positive thoughts, and thank goodness for Bear. He is such a sweet boy and I am glad that you still can find happiness in him. And so happy that this dr. will be able to help.

Posted by: halloweenlover on July 15, 2005 09:07 AM


I too have done this very thing. I hope to offer some solace when I say there is a light at the end of this seemingly endless tunnel. Anytime you want to gush or rant or just babble on... you know the email address.

Posted by: suz on July 15, 2005 08:57 AM


I think I was on at least my fifth session before I managed to be coherant (or at least didn't cry all my makeup off.) The first few sessions are tough, but they do wonders at sending you on the road to "OK." I'm not there yet, but I'm a lot closer than I was six months ago.

Posted by: MamaKaren on July 15, 2005 08:55 AM


talking is the first step....i have no doubt you'll get better

thanks for sharing and trusting your virtual friends....

Posted by: beautiful face on July 15, 2005 12:20 AM


you're doing the right thing. It can, and will, get better. I'm just so proud of you for dealing with it up front. You know, b/c if you keep doing what you've always done you just get what you always got, right? I'm just so proud of you for being courageous enough to do something different.

Posted by: kalisah on July 14, 2005 08:58 PM


I'm worried about and for you. I hope that you find yourself on the road to a life full of colors again.

Posted by: Amy on July 14, 2005 07:43 PM


Big hug to you, sweetie. I hope talking to a professional helps. *fingers crossed for you*

Posted by: RP on July 14, 2005 02:01 PM


Elizabeth, petal,

i'm so sorry you are down. i am sure that now you have made the first step you will see improvement, maybe even a bit of colour through that grey.

abs x

Posted by: abs on July 14, 2005 12:44 PM


I'm so sorry you're feeling like that, Elizabeth. I'm glad you saw someone, and I'm glad he's committed to seeing you through to the other side.

My thoughts are with you, lady.

Posted by: Polichick on July 14, 2005 11:50 AM


Hi E... You have been going through a lot lately. Your health, trying to align your personal goals with your business goals. That's a lot of change -- not to mention always balancing out CD and mothering Bear. Whew! That's a full plate.

Have you ever considered a life coach to help you with issues? I am going to make the professional change -- and I am taking training at the end of the month. Perhaps you could benefit from a professional coach. I may be able to give you a good recommendation, if so.

My heart and thoughts are with you.

Posted by: Eyes for Lies on July 14, 2005 10:44 AM


My first inclination is to hug you as queer as that sounds. I spent a lot of last year fighting to be happy when I felt so desperately unhappy with my life.

I'm so glad you are talking it out with someone.

Posted by: A.K. on July 14, 2005 10:42 AM


I have been there before, I can totally relate. Grey oh how I know grey. You will make it. You will be ok, you know why? Because you recognized it and that is the difference........

you should be proud.

Posted by: The Diva on July 14, 2005 10:24 AM