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What's In A Name?

June 19, 2005 | Category: In My Life



Pleasantville is this|close to Chicago and the residents are an eclectic mix; you got yuppies rehabbing the big old homes with granite countertops, you got working class folks in the small rows of brick bungalows with perfect postage-stamp lawns, you got every color, religion, sexual orientation.

So I keep expecting the town employees to reflect that.

Not so much.

Thursday I picked up Bear from his summer camp. This is a morning program being held at one of the fabulous parks. The teacher, "Miss Lilly May", is a frenzied middle-aged woman with frizzy hair and a big smile.

She was (finally) instituting security by having parents sign their children in and out.

She watched closely as I carefully signed my name next my husband's (who'd dropped Bear off).

Her brow scrunched.

She pursed her lips.

"Are you signing on the right line, dear?"

I tapped Bear's name and dragged my finger to mine down the dotted line.

"You didn't sign clearly, did you? I can't read your name."

I touched it up to make it clearer and the furrows in her brow became downright trenches. She began fishing through the registration cards.

"I thought Bear's last name was 'Daddy'?"

"Yes, and mine is 'Corporate Mommy'," I replied.

"Which?"

"Both."

"With a hyphen, you mean?"

"No. Like Mary Tyler Moore or Dick Van Dyke. My name is Elizabeth Corporate Mommy."

"Oh," she heaved a sigh. "So you're divorced."

"I'm married to Bear's father," I said.

"Then who is the man who drops Bear off in the mornings?"

"Bear's father."

"And who is your husband?"

"Bear's father."

"Then your name is Elizabeth Daddy?"

"No."

We stared at each other for a long moment, and I could tell that she didn't much appreciate me cracking her cosmic egg. Now, if only I'd been wearing my recently bedazzled women's libber t-shirt, then she'd have had fair warning. But ah, no.

"I need you to sign your legal name. For security pruposes," she told me.

"For security purposes? Are the police reviewing this register?"

"In case of emergency, we need to know if the parents picked up the children. Could you sign it 'Elizabeth Daddy' for me here?" she tapped the register where I had already written my name onto the dotted line.

"No. My legal name, my only name, is Elizabeth Corporate Mommy. It is on that registration card," I said, indicating the white card in her hands.

"They didn't ask you for identification when you signed up?"

"No, but my identification is in the name Elizabeth Corporate Mommy."

She huffed at me, clearly peeved. "Once you married, you have a legal name change whether you use it or not," she informed me. "It's security issue."

"Me signing a fake name would be a security issue," I told her.

She sighed again, and put the cards down. "Well, I'll talk to the Camp Director and see what he wants to do about it," she informed me with a bit of a snarl.

"You do that," I agreed.

Yeah, you do that, Lady.


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Comments


See, day camp lady has it backwards- your birth name is always your legal name, unless you do a legal name change. And if your legal name change is the taking of a married name, your maiden name can still be used legally. I guess she's turning a color now, though, because that's what happens in Pleasantville when you have a new experience.

I took my husband's name when I got married, but kept both my middle name and my maiden name as middle names. My Social Security card and my license just barely have enough space for my full legal name, and I get writer's cramp whenever we refinance our mortgage because I have to sign all four names.

Posted by: MamaKaren on June 28, 2005 07:54 AM


She apparently has more faith in the government to just automatically change people's names when they get married. They couldn't even get my surname right before I got married.

Posted by: Jazzy on June 24, 2005 02:29 PM


She definitely had the law wrong, speaking as someone who DID change their name and kept having to go back and do it because social security couldn't get it right. Guess you're damned if you do . . . I just can't believe that she's never encountered this before. Does she live under a rock?

Posted by: MLB on June 21, 2005 02:49 PM


when people bring it up with me, I just look them straight in the eye and say "I don't believe in changing your name when you get married." And when they say "Why not?" I say "WHY would I change it? It's my name." If they push me further, I tell them I think it's a stupid tradition and I refuse to conform just because some people say I should. I love the looks I get. But at least by saying I don't BELIEVE in it, I get less arguments.

;o)

Jen

Posted by: Jen_Jake'smom on June 21, 2005 12:25 PM


Delurking to say that I love your blog, very honest and funny! I also did not change my name when I married. I had no problems when my husband and I lived out east, but moving back to the midwest it has been a huge headache. Apparently no one has heard of a woman not changing her name here, "I thought only celebrities do that". My favorite occurrence is when companies I do business with change my name to my husbands for me. Like maybe I have forgotten and put the wrong name down by mistake. My husband and I plan to start a family very soon and I am conflicted about what name to give our kids (your story is a perfect example!), how have other couples with two names decided?

Posted by: Delurking on June 21, 2005 09:52 AM


Hooo boy...that lady's head would probably explode if confronted with MY family. My husband and I (11 years married) have always used our separate names, plus our two pre-adoptive children (half-siblings) each have their own surname. So we have FOUR last names--Polish, Italian, Hispanic and Hispanic--within one family....fortunately, most people around here (New York area) are able to deal with it.

Posted by: Jane on June 20, 2005 10:21 PM


hee hee! Awesome.

Posted by: Bond Girl on June 20, 2005 05:18 PM


Oh man, are you serious? Did she really say that your name changes automatically whether you use it or not? Is she insane? My inlaws (whom I love, though they make me nutso) constantly send me cards to Mrs. husband's first and last name. Now, not only did I NOT change my last name, but guess what? I didn't change my first name either!!! Surprise surprise!

Posted by: halloweenlover on June 20, 2005 02:58 PM


3 words on that woman....

sad.

little.

life.

(amen) abs x

Posted by: abs on June 20, 2005 01:47 PM


Grrrr. My office (w/in the federal government) just switched TO a computer system that can't cope with hyphenated names. From one that had no problem with them.

I remember standing in the DMV once overhearing a conversation where a woman was pointing out to the clerk that she had entered the wrong name for her (e.g. Firstname HusbandsName). The clerk was very apologetic and said "I just assumed you were married."

Posted by: Elizabeth on June 20, 2005 11:28 AM


Love your web site, CM. This post is the reason so many people conclude that I should have changed my name to reflect my husband's - so 'it's easier'. To me, that misses the point. Why would I do this in order to make it easier for everyone else when times and customs change, and we all have the option to name ourselves whatever works for us?

Posted by: Cory on June 20, 2005 11:10 AM


This woman has honestly never heard of married people with different last names?! What if . . .what if . . . you and CD were never married . . .? Way to make her head explode!

Posted by: cc on June 20, 2005 10:57 AM


Oh lordy! LOL! Shall I show up and try to sign out Bear? ;)

Posted by: Angela Giles Klocke on June 20, 2005 06:18 AM


I can so relate to this. I mean...I hyphenate so at least my last name is partially the same as my kids. But I can't believe HOW MANY companies out there don't have computer software systems that can handle hyphens. Update your software people! Revise your way of thinking of people's names! Oy!

Posted by: Grace on June 19, 2005 09:50 PM


What a riot!

That reminds me of the time that the postman decided not to deliver my boyfriend (now my husband's) mail while we were living together, as we had different names and my kids, from my first marriage, had their dad's name. I guess three different last names in the household was too much for him to bear.

It took us 2 weeks to realize he wasn't getting any mail!

Posted by: beautiful face on June 19, 2005 09:27 PM


My view: screw her, she doesn't get a vote. And she probably has the law wrong, too. I'd tell her to take a short walk, etc. But I'm not as nice as you. You'll probably get the same point across in a nicer way.

Posted by: RP on June 19, 2005 04:09 PM