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New Beginings
May 27, 2005 | Category: In My Life
Like an internal alarm, I've been realizing lately that there are things in my life that have been going on too long. That I have been letting slip and slide. Thinking about changing but never really getting a foothold.
So I made the decision to get moving. After New Year's I began slowly putting my shoulder to the roadblocks in the path of my happiness.
I had my bookkeeper separate our finances, so that we could each shoulder a fair share and I could stop feeling bitter about having to go back to work. And it is begining to help, emotionally.
I told my management that I wanted the luxury of off the promotion track, and they agreed.
I put a deadline on how long I would work in this house, under these conditions (this place has been stalled "in the middle of a rehab" for years and it is a miserable place to spend 20 hours a day). And CD agreed.
And finally, I looked down at my overweight body and decided I needed help. Real help. So I found a new GP, and we came up with some strategies. She's a wonderful doctor, and supportive of what I've done so far and the goals I have (which are reasonable).
I came out of her office pumped up but then I immediately began wobbling. For 3 months now, I have been wobbling. Toes in the pool, but still undecided.
This morning I made the call. In 10 days, I begin down the path that will ultimately have a rubber band tied around my stomach to help me lose this weight. (Note, this is NOT Gastric Bypass. This is something called "Lap Band" - reversable, adjustable, and much less invasive, less risky, and less drastic than gastric bypass.)
I'm nervous, and scared.
I feel weak for needing help.
But I want back the energy and health and attractiveness that I had. It's been 5 years since I began gaining the weight, and I have to give up this idea that somehow it will melt off if I just eat right, or try a new diet, or just excersize a little more.
So even though I am scared, I'm going to put one foot in front of the other.