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Overcast
May 02, 2005 | Category: In My Life
I understand the her feelings. I remember a day in Butte, Montana - back when I was a road warrior - I remember watching the thick gray thunderclouds scroll across the sky bringing rain. The moment that the drops began to fall on me.
I remember that sensation, of knowing it was moments away.
It is overcast today, and I sit at my desk and look out the windows at the mottled sky. I am not in St Louis. I am here, in my pajamas. Watching the sky. Hiding from my email and my thick pages of project documentation.
By day, I plan my life. I make steps to get healthier, leaner, more polished, better trained. I read about how to better parent my son. I make steps towards all those executive responsibilities. I think about a future in local politics.
By night, I loathe it all. What, the world needs one more powerhouse program manager? Ha! I want to be ....actually raising my son - instead of reading about it. I want to be kicking a ball around, teaching him to cook, going for our long walks in the daylight. I want to be writing a book. I am no longer enamored with this work-in-progress we call a house. I am done being Suzy Corporate.
How much time do I really have on this planet? Why is my life upside down... ? Part of me woders if I have the guts to do it. Stick a "for Sale" sign in the front yard and buy a different life. So what, CD isn't going to help make it happen. Can't I just make it happen myself?
It is overcast today. The furious wind of my discontentment is rushing through the shadows. Part of me hopes the weather passes soon.
The other part cries for change.
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