In 2000 me and Mr. ASB split. We were apart for 8 months. Resentment was heavy and it didn't seem like there would be any way to fix us. Here's what we had to do...take it for what it's worth.

We had to get the fuck over ourselves and our petty little bullshit "that hurts my feelings" crap. We had to start over...and yes, Margi, it is possible to do that. We had to remember what it was about each other that we loved, admired and respected. It was seriously hard.

We had to put respect first. We had to fight fair. We had to have 4 months of non-stop hell of getting it all out and up front. It is NOT fun to have all of your misdeeds and crappy personality hits shoved in your face...it sucks even. But you have to be willing to recognize and accept your part in what the hell happened. If one or both of you can't do that, you're wasting your precious youth on something that just will never be, no matter how much you wish it to be different.

Sometimes people can love each other without being able to be married, live together or have a romantic relationship. Sometimes you gotta let it go.

I think it all comes down to CD's willingness to change. Is he truly and seriously willing? That is the key question.

So many people give half-hearted attempts to act like they are trying -- and they just waste other people's time. Either you are serious -- and you change -- or you don't. There is no half-hearted change. It's an all or nothing thing. You don't have to "work at it".

CD needs to understand this is all or nothing and the game is over. He isn't taking you seriously right now as much as I hate to write this.

He needs swift kick in the a#$ to come to grips with reality. What he is doing to you IS NOT FAIR.

There, I said it. That's the truth. (((((hugs)))))

I wish I had some sort of decent or comforting advice; sadly, I do not. Thinking good thoughts your way, though.

Start over? Gimme a small break. There's too much history to "start over" no matter how wonderful that may sound. And I'm not trying to be ugly to you, Philip, I promise.

No, what has to happen is that you both have to be committed to TRYING with all of your might.

Sometimes -- and I speak from experience -- SOMETIMES the only thing to do is look at your child and know you made him together. And be glad for that. And try again tomorrow.

You're going to have to start completey over if you want this to work. You're obviously at a point where you cannot let things slide, big or small and in order to have a chance, you can't let past greivances, or tendancies to ruin what wouldn't ordinarily be a throwaway, or perhaps ill-thought comment. I'd say you need to have your brain erased. So I guess that's not going to work, how about just pretending that you've come off a long horrible relationship and you're dating someone new and need to give them every benefit of the doubt. How about this: when you feel yourself slipping back to anger, think of Bear and what he would tell you to do . . . I know, not fair, but you need to approach reconcilliation with innocence and hope, not doubt and frustration. Tell me to piss off anytime, I'm just thinking extemporaneously. And I want you to be happy, and your family to be happy . . .

you're doing all the right things...