You, too, can be in Senior Management

August 11, 2004 | Category: On The Job

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to reach the peak of mediocrity; to attain that loftiest of all goals in Corporate America? Well, just take this simple test to see if you, too, could be suited for life as a ... uh... suit.

A. You wake up and realize you're already late.
Do you:
1) Do the minimum necessary to be presentable, and hit the road? 2) Do the usual ablutions, and speed (safely) to the site meeting to make up time? or 3) Do the usual, discard the planned outfit, iron a new one, forget your laptop and have to turn around and come back, and end up missing your own conference?

B. You're about to miss your own conference.
Do you:
1) Put on your cordless headset in the car and attempt to facilitate while navigating rush hour traffic? 2) Put on your cordless headset in the car, deputize someone else to facilitate, and offer commentary when needed between dead spots on the expressway? 3) Miss the whole thing because you've rolled down the windows and cranked the Rolling Stones "Waiting on a Friend" while singing your fool head off?

C. You've just poked yourself in the eye with your mascara because of the damn wind from the freaking open windows, and you need to get across three lanes of traffic to make your exit.
Do you:
1) Roll up the windows, put down the mascara, use your indicator and smoothly exit the expressway? 2) Roll up the windows, make the next available exit and make your way back to where you'd meant to go in the first place, and finish the mascara at the stop signs? Or 3) Leave the windows open, causing your hair (whipping around from the wind) to become permanently cemented to your wet eyelashes, forget it's mascara and not a pen and put it in your mouth to hold, scream in frustration, pull over into a shopping mall parking lot and wash entire face with a bottle of water and an old pile of Dunkin Donuts napkins, attempt to cover black smudges on lips with gloss, fail, realize tongue is black, try and wash with soggy napkins, accidentally pour some water on pants, run heater in car on high aimed at pants with windows STILL open and finally finish applying in the ladies room?

D. It looks like rain.
Do you:
1) Grab a raincoat, just in case? 2) Grab an umbrella, just in case? 3) Grab nothing. Wear a silk shirt. And a white bra. And wiggle your ass at the rain gods while climbing in the car?

And yes, they actually let me be in charge. Boggles the flipping mind, doesn't it?

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