« SPAM that makes you want to hunt the bastards down | Smarter than your average Bear »
On how I can make Farscape relevent to infertility
November 09, 2004 | Category:
[start: yes another "To Be or Not To Be" entry. Because even escapist science fiction can be twisted up in the cause of additional angst.]
Let me explain.
No, is too much.
Let me sum up.
I was rewatching the Farscape - PeaceKeeper MiniSeries last night (oh, TiVO, how I love thee) and I realized something.
The parts that I really like are very true. You know, the moment when the hero and heroine are reanimated and they pull their guns in unison? Instinctively covering each other's backs. A ballet of movement as they protect each other and themselves.
This picture, motion and still, belongs to the Henson Company. I am not using it for profit, I make no money from this site. So please don't sue me.
Not that I run around space with CD wearing size 2 leathers (JeevusMary as if).
But that orchestration, that practiced touch and motion, that's the part that I could watch over and over again because it rings so true.
It exists in life here on Earth. It exists as CD carries a sleeping Bear from the car as I move ahead opening doors and pulling down the blankets on his bed. As we pass the grocery cart back and forth as one of us goes on ahead with Bear to find the next thing. As we decide with a glance which one of us will be the designated driver home from a party. In the touch of our fingers as we pass each other - "I am here, we are a team".
How sappy am I? Those are the moments when my heart jiggles like Jell-O and my knees get weak. When I feel so amazingly good - like my blood is heated in my veins.
CD hears me tell this theory with a raised eyebrow. He looks at the John Crichton character - brunette, tall, smart-mouthed - and looks back at me. Yeah, OK, CD is also brunette, tall, and smart-mouthed (or smart-eyebrowed even). Guilty as charged, he's yummy, they're yummy, and I'm shallow.
But. Really.
And then I get sad. Thinking about how our indecision - MY indecision - is pulling us away from our rythym. Because usually, even in our arguments, ours is a practiced dance.
CD: What's your problem?Me: OK, that's a question designed not to get you an answer, just an opponent.
CD: (long look)
Me: (long look)
CD: What's wrong?
Me: (in frustration) I wish I knew...
Even in disagreement we are usually coordinated. We snap and joust and then move to the heart of the matter. We ask forgiveness, grant it, reach out, hold.
But not this time. Not on this topic. And that's why it hurts so much. Because not only is my heart is ripped up over it. But also because it is coming between us.
It. Another baby.
This morning, CD calls me after dropping Bear off at preschool. He retells their conversation in the car:
Bear: Daddy? I want to grow a new baby.CD: No, honey. Only grown-up girls can grow babies.
Bear: Oh. ...Then I want Nana to grow me a new baby.
CD: No honey, Nana is too old.
Bear: Oh. OK. Then I want Mommy to grow a new baby.
And normally, I would know - this is CD telling me a little Bear story. Only, I'm also wondering - is this his way of pressuring? But he wouldn't do that. Would he?
Crazy thoughts. Doubts. I want to get past this, but there is no script. Just love. And charity towards each other.
And faith, that we'll find our dance again.
And hope, that it's soon.
[end: angsty baby-making-or-not post with gratituitous eye-candy and sci-fi references.]
Delicious! | 
Stumble It! | 
Slashdot It!
